Not So Impossible: the Story of Lupin and Tonks
by SunnyZim
Summary: A humorous and quirky look at the ups and downs of Lupin and Tonks' relationship. Fills in the gaps from the books.
1. Prologue: Getting to Know You

**Not So Impossible: the Story of Lupin and Tonks**

**Chapter One – Getting to Know You**

_Getting to know you,_

_Getting to know all about you,_

_Getting to like you,_

_Getting to hope you like me._

"Getting to Know You", _The King and I ~_

_**Author's Note: Well, here it is!! The first chapter of my first fanfiction! I am going to post the first two chapters together because this one is not very long and also because I want you to get into the characters and the story before I leave you hanging - he he. This story is only going to be about 6 chapters long and is all in Tonks' POV. I plan on updating once a week....So read, enjoy and please leave a review at the end - I would love to know what you think!!**_

It's funny how life works sometimes. How sometimes the one thing you think you don't need turns out to be the very thing that completes you. Ok, that sounded rather cheesy, so let me rephrase:

I have never been (and probably never will be) romantic. I don't cry at happy endings and get the 'warm fuzzies' when couples finally get together. That's just not me. I've never really thought about marriage or L.O.V.E., at least not as far as I myself am concerned. I just never felt the need for it – I loved my career, had a wonderful, supportive family, great friends and could change my appearance at will. I mean, what more could a girl want, right? Right.

Wrong.

When I met Remus Lupin for the first time, we had instant chemistry and I knew at once that he and I were destined to fall in love, get married and have lots of little babies with bright pink hair. _Really? _I hear you say. No. Not really.

In actual fact, our first meeting went something like this:

_**Molly Weasley**__: Tonks, I would like you to meet a friend of the family and fellow member of the Order – Remus Lupin. Remus, this is Sirius' cousin, Nymphadora Tonks. _

_**Tonks: **__(knocks chair into Molly as she ever so gracefully bounces over to shake Remus' hand) Oh, sorry Molly! I didn't see the chair! Hi Remus, it is a pleasure to finally meet you._

_**Remus: **__Hi Nymphadora (Oh no. He did _not _just call me Nymphadora. My stupid mother and her 'creative' names. I hope he doesn't make a habit of this…) It's lovely to finally meet you as well – Sirius has spoken about you before – I understand you're an Auror?_

_**Tonks: **__Yes, and I absolutely love my job. There's no greater thrill than catching dark wizards! I understand you're a werewolf? (Oops. Probably shouldn't have said that so bluntly…)_

_**Remus: **__Uh, yeah. (Looks awkward for a moment). I don't like to think that that defines me though. It's just something I happen to be, rather than who I _am_, if you know what I mean?_

_**Tonks: **__Oh, um, yeah. Totally. I mean, I didn't mean to imply, that is to say, I, uh…_

_**Remus: **__Oh, no worries. I get it all the time. (Smiles stiffly and turns to Molly) Well, Molly, I really think I ought to get going – it's getting late and Sirius is expecting me back for supper._

_**Molly: **__Of course, Remus. I'm sorry that you couldn't stay for longer. Maybe next time?_

_**Remus: **__Absolutely. It was nice meeting you Nymphadora (Ugh. That name again). I suppose I'll see you around?_

_**Tonks: **__Oh, yes, right. Nice meeting you too Remus._

_(Remus leaves and Tonks (aka me) is left feeling once again like she opened her mouth and stuck her too big left foot right into it.) _

See? Instant chemistry. We got on like a house on fire, all smoke and no substance.

So what changed? Well initially, nothing. We would see each other at Order meetings, smile politely and make small talk about the weather or whatever came to mind, eventually moving on to talk to someone else, feeling somewhat relieved that we had fulfilled our social obligations, as it were, without any further casualties. Things were still a bit awkward between us due to my 'mouth over mind' moment at our first meeting and I wasn't quite sure how to breach the wall which I instinctively felt he had erected between us.

However, over time I found myself almost unconsciously watching him, observing how he interacted with others and his attitude towards the work he did for the Order. And as I watched him, something started to grow within me – a curiosity to know more about him, a desire to be his friend and to pull down the invisible barrier between us. From what I could see, he was a brave, gentle and considerate man and I must admit I was intrigued to discover how such a personality could coexist with the vicious werewolf which I knew to be an inescapable part of him.

And so I began to go out of my way to spend time with him, finding ways to 'bump' into him (sometimes all too literally, although those were not deliberate), surreptitiously eavesdropping on his conversations with others, and extending our own conversations beyond discussions of the weather and Voldemort's latest tactics to include more personal topics. At first it was difficult as he was very reserved, but over time he began to open up little by little and this is what I learned:

Remus Lupin is quiet and reserved.

He is a deep thinker and tends to be introspective.

He has always been on the outskirts of society (well ever since he was bitten), and only ever had a few really good friends, one of whom is dead.

He deeply admires Dumbledore and strives to be like him, always reaching out to those who, like himself, are outsiders.

He has a subtle sense of humour which only surfaces on rare occasions, but has the ability to light up the room when it does (clichéd as that sounds).

He is infallibly polite and civil, even to his enemies.

He is the complete antithesis of me.

Yes, the more I got to know him, the more I realised how absolutely opposite we were and yet inexplicably, the more I was drawn to him.

I can't pin down the single moment or conversation when I began to feel the first stirrings of something more than just _friendship_; all I know was that as I watched him battle his insecurities, continually be the 'bigger man' when Snape jibed him, and unfailingly treat others with selfless compassion and warmth, I began to see him through new eyes.

I have frequently had opportunity to change my eye colour and size as a Metamorphmagus, but never have my eyes seen so clearly as when they looked at Remus Lupin and noticed, really _noticed_, him for the first time. When I looked at him, I no longer saw the tired, prematurely aged, worn out man that I had seen before. I saw other things, like how warm and expressive his brown eyes were, how a small dimple would appear at the corner of his mouth when he smiled, and how when he was thinking deeply he would run his hands through his hair, making it stick up in all directions, temporarily making him look like an innocent little boy again.

And as I noticed these and other things, I realised to my consternation that I, Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks, confirmed career woman and eccentric, quirky Metamorphmagus, was falling in love. With a werewolf. Who was 13 years old than me. And almost certainly not in love with me.

Darn it.


	2. Love Changes Everything

**Chapter Two – Love Changes Everything**

_Off into the world we go,_

_Planning futures, shaping years,_

_Love bursts in and suddenly_

_All our wisdom disappears; _

_Love makes fools of everyone_

_All the rules we make are broken._

"Love Changes Everything", Andrew Lloyd Webber ~

Author's Note: Chapter Two! Yay! I hope you're enjoying it so far! Don't forget to leave a review at the end - I would love to hear your thoughts:-)

It's amazing how quickly one can come to terms with being in love, even when it isn't exactly what one would have chosen for oneself. Yeah, I know I'm strange, but this really couldn't have come at a more inconvenient time. I mean only Nymphadora Tonks would fall in love with a freaking 35 year old _werewolf_ just when she really needs to be able to focus on doing her job properly so that freaking Voldemort doesn't freaking murder everyone in their beds when they least expect it. Ok, did I say I had come to terms with it? Well…let's just say that I'm working on it. I mean there's not really anything I can do about it anyway, is there? (That was a rhetorical question).

The thing that makes it hardest to come to terms with is the fact that it isn't hard at all. And yes, I know that's an oxymoron – bear with me. Once I realised that I was falling in love with Remus Lupin, it was like someone said "_lumos"_, and suddenly all I could think about was him, and all my dreams were full of wolves bearing roses in their mouths (beware of wolves bearing gifts…) and whenever I saw a full moon my stomach would start to do all kinds of weird things as if I had just swallowed an entire bagful of Jeremy Juniper's Jumping Jellybeans. However, this was nothing, but _nothing, _compared to the trick my wonky genes decided to play on me – whenever I least expected it and always at the most inopportune moments, my hair would involuntarily turn light brown with streaks of premature grey…This happened once in front of Sirius and I couldn't figure out why he was looking at me with a knowing smirk on his face until I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror of Grimmauld Place and blushed to the roots of my all-too-telling hair. My mortification was made even worse by a sly voice from the mirror snidely remarking that "your hair colour really doesn't suit your complexion. It makes you look all pale and worn".

However, apart from the change in the tenor of my thoughts and feelings, life went on pretty much as usual. I forced myself to focus on my work at the Ministry of Magic and took liberal quantities of Madame Piureves' 100%-guaranteed-or-your-money-back potion for dreamless sleep so that dreams of ridiculously romantic wolves flossing their teeth with flower stalks did not disturb my slumber, thereby detracting from my ability to fulfill my shifts at the Department of Mysteries. As for my erratic hair colour, there was not much I could do except for trying very hard to not think about Remus when in the company of others. Easier said than done, let me tell you. I even resorted to trying some Muggle hair dye in the desperate hope that it would disguise the embarrassing changes in my hair colour….Apparently Muggle appearance changing products do not work on Metamorphmagi – my hair stubbornly remained the same colour. The hair dye on the other hand turned a shocking pink (my hair colour at the time) and took on the scent of my favourite shampoo. So much for that….

Well, as I said, life went on as usual, as it always seems to do before tragedy strikes. No warning, no words in the clouds or signs in the stars (well, except for those that the centaurs could read and they never tell anyway). In short, nothing to let me know that life as I knew it was about to change forever. Every morning I would wake up, go to work, daydream about Remus Lupin, try not to daydream about Remus Lupin when I saw the funny looks I was getting and realised that my hair had changed colour yet _again_, did my shift uneventfully and went to bed again after a generous cupful of sleeping potion to ensure a restful night's sleep. On the morning of _the _day, nothing was different. I went through my routine as usual, had a rather boring and quiet day and went home in the evening to a quiet supper. Only when the white doe Patronus appeared suddenly in my living room did I realise that today was not going to be like other days after all. And when it opened its mouth and spoke in Snape's flat voice, my fear was confirmed. "Harry has been lured into the Department of Mysteries by Voldemort. He may or may not have other students with him. Contact as many of the Order as you can and meet at the Ministry as soon as possible", it intoned before disappearing in a puff of white smoke.

I immediately contacted Kingsley and Mad-Eye and apparated to the Ministry where the surrounding popping sounds indicated that the others had got the message as well. Sirius was there for some reason, despite Dumbledore's clear instructions, with a wild, reckless look in his eyes. Remus was also there (my stomach gave a little jolt of excitement despite the complete inappropriateness of such a feeling at such a time), looking pale and frustrated (probably with Sirius for insisting on coming, I reflected). There was no time to make Sirius go back however, and we could always do with an extra wand, and so without further ado, we hurried towards the Department of Mysteries, sending out tracking charms as we went to try to find which room Harry might be in.

Once we managed to locate him, we ran as fast as we could towards the room he was in, bursting through the door to find Harry about to give up and hand Lucius Malfoy the prophecy. We each tackled the first Death Eater we saw which in my case was Bellatrix Lestrange. "Oh, it's my little half-blood cousin!" she shrieked in a horrible imitation of a baby voice, "Mommy isn't here to protect you now, is she, _Nymphadora_?" I ignored her taunts, knowing that they were just a ploy to distract me and rile me up so that I wouldn't be able to think straight and instead focussed my attention on firing every spell I could think of in her direction. However, just when I thought I was starting to get the better of her, I caught sight of Remus out of the corner of my eye, desperately battling a large Death Eater, and was momentarily (and foolishly) distracted as a pang of anxiety for him throbbed through me. This went against everything I had ever been taught in Auror training, and just as our instructors had told us time and time again, that moment was all it took for Bellatrix to get a spell in, and the last thing I was conscious of before darkness overtook me was a flash of bright light and an annoying baby voice shrieking some unrecognisable words at me.

-------------

The sound of a quill scratching on parchment. Someone coughing loudly somewhere in the vicinity of my left ear. Snatches of murmured conversation fading in and out of my awareness – "….concussion…..could be worse…..so glad she's alive…." And then another voice, "….how are you going to tell her…..Remus is distraught….." _Remus?_ What? Where am I? Why is Remus distraught? What happened? And why is my head pounding like the Wyrd Sisters' bass?

I slowly opened my eyes, wincing at the bright light that was flooding the room, and as my eyes adjusted to the brightness, I managed to make out my mother and Molly Weasley standing together at the foot of my bed, talking in hushed voices. "Mom?" I croaked, "Where am I?"

At the sound of my voice, they both turned and hurried to the side of my bed. "Nymphadora!" My mother cried, relief palpable in her voice, "You're in St Mungo's. How are you feeling darling?"

"I'm OK, Mom. Well my head hurts, but otherwise I'm fine. Why am I here though? And why is Remus distraught?"

"Oh, you heard that did you?" she asked with a worried expression on her face, "Well, let's start at the beginning shall we? What do you remember?"

"Well…" I thought for a moment. What _did_ I remember? "I remember we had to go to the Ministry to rescue Harry….and when we arrived, he was about to give the prophecy to Lucius Malfoy…and then I was fighting Bellatrix and I saw Remus out of the corner of my eye and…oh gosh, is Remus OK??"

"He's fine Tonks", Molly interjected, "Just keep telling us what you remember."

"Well, I saw Remus fighting a _huge _Death Eater and I was momentarily distracted by concern for him…" I trailed off and blushed, feeling that I had given away too much. However, Molly smiled at me encouragingly, hinting for me to go on, so I continued, "…and then the last thing I remember was a flash of bright light and Bellatrix shrieking something I couldn't quite make out. And then…nothing. Until now."

"Nothing at all?" Molly pushed, concern creasing her forehead.

"No, nothing," I repeated, confused. What did I miss?

"Well Tonks, I don't know how to tell you this…" Molly hesitated and my heart sank as I realised that whatever she was going to tell me wasn't good news, "After Bellatrix Stunned you, you fell down the stairs, knocking your head quite badly. Sirius came and he took over from you with Bellatrix and…I'm afraid he didn't make it Tonks", Molly's voice quavered and her eyes filled with tears as she finished speaking.

I looked over at my mother and saw that she had tears in her eyes too. I couldn't cry. I couldn't do anything. I felt numb and could hear a strange buzzing sound in my ears as the phrase _"he took over from you with Bellatrix"_ repeated itself over and over in my mind like some kind of sick mantra. It was my fault Sirius was dead. It was my fault that Remus had lost his other best friend. If I hadn't allowed myself to be distracted by my feelings for him, if I hadn't been so irresponsible, Sirius would probably still be alive. It was All. My. Fault.

I looked at Molly and my mother in despair and opened my mouth to speak. Nothing came out except a desperate croak. I cleared my throat nervously and tried again. "How is Remus holding up?" My only thought was whether he would blame me for Sirius' death and not want to have anything more to do with me. If I had been thinking more clearly I would have realised that Remus would never treat anyone like that and that he certainly wouldn't blame me for Sirius' death (especially when he didn't know _why _Bellatrix had succeeded in Stunning me in the first place). However, I was not thinking clearly and I was desperately afraid that I would lose his friendship which had come to mean more to me than anyone else could know.

Molly sighed heavily, distracting me from my morbid thoughts. "Remus is…not doing so well, "she said, "he blames himself for what happened" (what?? How could he? It was _my _fault – didn't he know that?) "He tried to persuade Sirius to stay at Grimmauld Place, you see, but Sirius insisted on coming. I think he feels that he didn't try hard enough and was too reluctant to resort to using force on his best friend and that it is therefore his fault that Sirius died. He probably feels terrible, especially when he thinks of what it's done to Harry. Remus has a very soft spot where Harry is concerned you know, and he must feel like he has taken Harry's father from him all over again."

"No!" I shouted, surprising even myself with my vehemence. "It's _not _his fault. It's _my _fault. Sirius took over with Bellatrix from me. If I hadn't been distracted, if I hadn't…been…so…stupid…" and to my intense mortification I began to sob desperately.

"Shh, Tonks. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. Sirius was a grown man and he knew what he was doing. Neither you nor Remus are to blame for what happened", Molly soothed.

"I am. I am to blame," I cried hysterically. "I must speak to Remus. I must tell him that it's not his fault. I must see him!"

OK. Just to interject here. I know I sound remarkably melodramatic at this point, but honestly I wasn't thinking straight and I truly felt terrible for what had happened. Plus, my head was throbbing fit to kill. Can you honestly blame me for overreacting a little?

"Alright, Tonks," Molly said. "I'll ask him to come visit you later today. You're only going to be allowed out tomorrow morning anyway – you've been unconscious for two days!"

I brushed this last piece of information aside, interesting as it was. Remus was going to come and see me. Today. I would tell him the truth. He wouldn't need to blame himself anymore. And maybe, just maybe, he would find it in himself to forgive me.

**PLEASE REVIEW!!!**


	3. Something Stupid

**Chapter Three – Something Stupid**

_And then I go and spoil it all_

_By saying something stupid like "I love you"._

_~ "Something Stupid" ~_

_**Author's Note**__**: Well, here is Chapter Three! I know I said I would only update in a week but I finished typing this up today and thought "why not?" Thank-you so much to those who have reviewed this story already (only two so far - sniff) and for everyone else, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! It literally makes my day when I see review alerts in my inbox so please, please click the little button at the end and REVIEW!!**_

**Disclaimer****: I am not JK Rowling and I do not own Lupin or Tonks. (This applies for the previous two chapters as well…)**

The rest of the morning and the first part of the afternoon crawled by slowly as I waited in nervous anticipation for Remus to come and visit me. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to say to him and spent the intervening time having imaginary conversations with him in my head, in which he either declared undying love for me (yeah, whatever the Healer had given me for the pain was clearly playing havoc with my brain) or declared that our friendship was over and henceforth we would only interact when necessary for Order work. Both options were extreme and frankly rather ridiculous, and as it turned out, his actual reaction was somewhere between the two.

He arrived at exactly 3.30 in the afternoon, looking tired and worn out as usual. However, perceptive as I was where he was concerned, I noticed that his usually warm eyes looked cold and hard and his mouth was ever so slightly turned down at the corners and set in a firm line, as if resolved about something. I wondered whether Molly had told him everything already and my heart sank as I considered the possibility that he might only be coming to tell me that he could not forgive me. However, I reasoned with myself, Molly wouldn't go behind my back like that and Remus is not the man to pass judgement without hearing a person's defence first. No, his expression must simply be a reflection of his grief and nothing else.

Remus came over to the side of my bed and seated himself, giving me a small smile that didn't quite meet his eyes. "Hello Nymphadora", he said softly (he had never really caught on to calling me 'Tonks' and I had giving up trying to correct him long ago). "How are you feeling today? Molly said you wanted to see me?"

"Yes. I'm feeling much better thank-you, Remus. I wanted to see you because…well…because it's not your fault that Sirius died." Remus' eyes tightened as I mentioned Sirius' name. "No, hear me out," I continued, "It was my fault. I was…distracted when I was fighting Bellatrix and if I hadn't been, Sirius wouldn't have taken over from me and he would still be alive." I finished in a rush and dared not look at him, fearing to see disgust in his face.

However, when he spoke his voice was gentle. "'Dora", he said, (he had never called me that before and I wondered why he chose to do so now of all times), "you mustn't blame yourself for being outdone by Bellatrix. She is a very experienced and powerful witch and she has killed many seasoned duellers. You're lucky she only Stunned you – it could have been so much worse." His face went a shade paler if that were possible and he involuntarily clenched his fists. "Don't blame yourself for Sirius' actions. He knew what he was doing. He just overestimated Bellatrix, that's all. It's not your fault."

"But it is!" I cried, frustrated. I shouldn't get off so easily. "Bellatrix didn't just beat me because of her superior skill, which I don't deny. She beat me because I was distracted when…when I saw _you _fighting that big Death Eater and I was gripped by a sudden fear that something might happen to you because…because…" I couldn't say it; I couldn't tell him I loved him. Remus looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to finish. "Because you're my friend and I care about you", I concluded lamely. Was it my imagination or did a strange mixture of relief and disappointment cross his face? I couldn't be sure because when I looked again it was gone. I concluded it was merely my imagination and continued, "So you see, it was my fault that Sirius died because I was irresponsible and allowed myself to be distracted when I should have known better." There! It was out. And now all I had to do was wait for him to pass judgement. Simply peachy….

Remus was silent for a moment which felt like several moments to me in my highly-strung state, and when he cleared his throat I squeaked with nerves and embarrassedly tried to fob it off as a hiccup. Apparently he was not fooled because he gave me a small smile before speaking.

"Nymphadora," (back to that again, huh?), "I am touched by your concern for me but I still don't feel that you need to blame yourself for Sirius' death. What you did, whilst unwise, was human and understandable and Sirius' death does not rest on your hands. If anyone is to blame, it's me for not forcing him to stay at Grimmauld Place when he proved reluctant. However, I have been thinking about that and I have come to terms with the fact that Sirius, when determined enough, would find a way to get his will – especially where Harry was concerned. And so I don't blame myself for what happened any more than you should blame yourself…I do miss him very much though."

As he said this, his voice shook a little and the pain he was feeling became evident on his face. Without thinking, I reached over and took his hand in mine. He grasped it back for a few precious seconds and then, seeming to recollect where he was and who he was with, he let go of my hand again as quickly as if it were that biting snuffbox from Grimmauld Place and stood up again, the cold, expressionless mask descending once more over his features.

"Well Nymphadora, I fear that I have overstayed my welcome. I hope that I have set your mind at rest though and that I won't hear any more talk of blame. I'm glad to see that you're feeling better and I am sure that I will see you at Order meetings. Till then."

And with this oddly formal speech, he walked out of the room, leaving me to deal with a medley of emotions, of which relief and confusion were the uppermost.

--------------

I was released from St Mungo's the next day and my life soon settled back into its pre-Department-of-Mysteries-fiasco routine. Well almost. As the weeks went by, I couldn't help but notice that Remus seemed to be distancing himself from me. He was still infallibly polite as always, but somehow we had slipped from friendship back to being mere acquaintances. He did not actually avoid me – nothing that anyone else could notice and question him on – rather he just found ways to end our conversations quickly and to always be talking to someone else or be busy doing something whenever I entered a room. At first, I thought I was just imagining things and put it to the back of my mind, but after a couple of weeks of this behaviour, I could ignore it no longer. I felt terribly hurt as I wondered whether he did blame me for Sirius' death after all, despite his words to the contrary, and after much thought I decided to get him on his own and confront him about it, as I could not handle hi cool reserve towards me any longer.

Getting him on his own was easier said than done, as some sixth sense seemed to have warned him that a confrontation was coming, and he made sure to be surrounded by other members of the Order or to be out whenever I was around. However, I eventually managed to corner him and demanded to know why he was treating me as less than a friend:

"Ever since you visited me in St Mungo's, you have been less than warm towards me, treating me with cool civility as if we had never been more than mere acquaintances. I tried to ignore it at first but I can't any longer and I can't help but wonder if you were less than truthful to me at St Mungo's, and if you do blame me after all. If it isn't that, then I can't figure out what it is and I'm feeling miserable trying to work out what I've done to offend you so."

I blurted this out quickly, hardly pausing for breath, and then looked at him expectantly.

Remus sighed heavily and ran his hands distractedly through his greying hair. When he spoke, his voice was heavy and he seemed to be weighing each word carefully.

"'Dora," (again, that nickname), "I'm so sorry that you've been feeling miserable and thinking that I blame you for Sirius' death. I don't, as I told you before, and I apologise if I didn't make that clear enough. I have however been less than truthful to you over the past few weeks and for that I ask your forgiveness."

He sighed again here and looked down at his hands which were clasped loosely in his lap. Then after a few seconds, he raised his eyes until they met mine and spoke again, maintaining eye contact with me all the while.

"After the affair at the Department of Mysteries, I fell into the depths of despair and hardly spoke with anyone for two days. The other members of the Order attributed my reserve and misery to Sirius' death and assumed that I blamed myself for what happened. In actual fact however, as I told you before, I realised fairly quickly that Sirius would have found a way to get to the Department of Mysteries no matter what, and so I didn't blame myself for his death for long. Whilst grief over his loss was certainly part of the reason for my withdrawal, it was not the only, nor surprisingly the main reason. No, the chief cause for my despair was something else entirely…."

I raised my eyebrows, looking at him in confusion, but he raised a hand to indicate that I should let him continue.

"As you know," he resumed in a voice that was not so steady now, "another person was injured at the Ministry that night, and for a few brief (but oh so long) minutes, I thought she was dead. She looked so pale, you see, and there was quite a large pool of blood around her head, and in that awful moment when I thought that she too was gone, I realised something."

My heart started to hammer in my chest as I realised that he was talking about _me._

"I realised that I loved her. I loved her and I couldn't bear to lose her. My fear that she was gone was so great that it temporarily drowned out even my deep grief over the death of my best friend. It was a love that had been coming on so gradually that I hadn't even noticed it until now when it hit me with the force of a flying bludger."

"My agony at the thought of her death fortunately did not last long, as one of our number (I forget who) checked her pulse and found that it was still beating, albeit faintly. However, the first agony was quickly replaced with a second even greater, as with relief at her still being alive came the sickening realisation that she could never be mine anyway. I was not, _am_ not, a suitable partner for her, being both a dangerous monster and far too old for her, and so I turned by back on her still form and spent the next two days battling within myself until I knew that I could face her again without giving any of my feelings away and without going back on my resolve."

He took a deep breath here and continued in a softer voice, "As I am sure you worked out long ago, 'Dora, the woman to whom I am referring is you…I love you, but I know that nothing can come of it and so I resolved not to burden you with the knowledge of my love."

As he finished, I felt as though my heart would burst from my chest with joy – he loved me! Remus John Lupin loved me! I brushed aside the information that he thought a relationship between us was impossible – that would surely change once he knew that I loved him too, and for now all I could think about, all that my mind could register, was the glorious fact that the man I loved, loved me back.

I turned glowing eyes on him (as least I assumed they were glowing since I couldn't see them myself for obvious reasons) and cried, "Remus, but that's wonderful! You see I love you too and have for ever so long and all this time I was thinking that you didn't even _like _me anymore, when in actual fact you _love _me! Oh, I can't wait to tell everyone! I'm so happy, I feel sure my hair must be changing colour by the second!"

Remus sat through my outburst in silence and when I looked at him, I saw a range of emotions flickering across his face – relief, joy, humour…and then, no wait….sadness? Resolve? As I watched him, his face was hardening before my very eyes and I felt a sinking feeling somewhere in the pit of my stomach as I realised that maybe I had been rejoicing too soon. I recognised that look. It was the one he always had before he went on an especially dangerous or difficult mission – a purposeful, determined look that showed he was steeling himself for what was to come, and when he spoke, I felt a coldness trickle down my spine as through I had just been Disillusioned.

"Nymphadora," he said in an earnest but firm voice, "I meant what I said when I said that nothing could happen between us. I am not a fit match for anyone, least of all someone as young and untouched as yourself. I am sincerely sorry that you have formed an attachment to me ("formed an attachment" – how cold…), but I am sure that given time you will get over it and meet someone who is infinitely more deserving of your affections."

"But…" I interrupted, desperately wanting to tell him that I didn't _want _anyone else – _he _was he only one I wanted and always would be, however before I could go any further, he held up his hand to stop me and said, "No Tonks" (Tonks? Since when did he call me 'Tonks'?).

"This is my last word on the subject. I don't think we should talk about it again. I'm sorry."

And with these simple yet shattering words, he stood up and left me.

**A/N: Dun dun dun!! Look for the next chapter in about a week's time and don't forget to REVIEW!!! Please!:-)**


	4. On My Own

**Chapter Four – On My Own**

_Without him,_

_The world around me changes;_

_The trees are bare and everywhere_

_The streets are full of strangers._

"On My Own", _Les Miserables ~_

_**Author's Note**__**: No, thine eyes do not deceive thee! This is indeed ANOTHER update and a really LONG one too!!! Thank-you to all those who have reviewed, and added this story to their alerts and favourites**__****__** It means the world to me, really! So read, enjoy and don't forget to leave a lovely REVIEW at the end!!:-)**_

**Disclaimer****: You may recognise that some of the dialogue in this chapter is from **_**Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. **_**So once again, I reiterate that I am not JK Rowling and I do not own the **_**Harry Potter **_**franchise, Lupin or Tonks. **

I can't recall much of what happened over the next few months, because after the initial shock at Remus' words, a deep depression set in. It was as if all the colour in the world had been drained away and someone had repainted it in shades of grey. I lost all zest for life – even my passion for my job flickered and died, and I wandered around much like a person who had undergone the Dementor's Kiss – soulless and merely going through the motions of living.

Unfortunately, I could not keep the cause of my depression secret from anyone as my hair was now permanently light brown streaked with grey (I did not have the emotional energy or the will to try and change it), and even my Patronus had changed from a moose (clumsy but endearing as my father always used to joke) to a werewolf. Nothing could be more glaringly obvious and yet it was proof of my emotional numbness that I did not feel horribly mortified by it as I would have done under normal circumstances. No, I felt nothing. Just a cold despair that the man I loved loved me back and yet was firmly resolved to never do anything about it. One would think that the knowledge that he at least loved me would have made it easier, but on the contrary, it made it far worse. To know that I had come so close to happiness only to have it foiled by one man's misplaced stubbornness was simply too much to bear. I ached at the thought of what might have been had he not decided to be so 'noble'.

However Life, as I discovered, plods mercilessly on. It is no respecter of persons and continues, with or without you. I decided that, whilst 'spunky Tonks' may not be about to make a spontaneous revival, I was certainly not going to let Life leave me behind. And so I 'woke up' as it were, at least to an extent – I doubt I was much fun to be around, but at least I was no longer quite so dead to the world and was actually interacting with people again (much to their regret no doubt!).

I didn't see much of Remus during this time because since the Ministry had become aware of Voldemort's return, Dumbledore had given him the very dangerous but necessary mission of infiltrating the underground werewolves as a spy – a task that he was not too happy about, but which he acknowledged as a necessary evil. To be honest, I was kind of glad that I didn't have to see him too much as it wasn't very easy to keep up a façade in his presence. Molly, in whom I had confided one tearful and vulnerable evening, did not seem to understand this as she tried several times to 'set us up' as it were, by inviting us both to family dinners and whatnot, but I always politely refused these invitations, and I have a feeling that Remus did as well.

The few times I did see him, I tried desperately to persuade him that he was wrong about us; that we could be a couple and that I didn't _care _for goodness' sake that he was a werewolf or that he was a lot older than me. When you are in love, things like that don't matter any more – I always thought that 'love is blind' was one of the cheesiest and most inaccurate sayings ever, but that was before I fell in love with Remus Lupin. I now realised that in fact, nothing could be truer – not in the sense that you don't _see _the flaws in the person you love or that you are unaware of potential difficulties in your relationship, but simply in the sense that when you love someone enough, those things, whilst you may be fully aware of them, are unimportant. But no matter how hard I tried to persuade him, no matter what lines of reasoning I used, Remus remained stubbornly convinced that he was an unfit partner for anyone and ridiculously believed that given enough time, I would eventually get over him and move on. If only it were that easy.

The one drawback to not seeing him so often was that I always had the pressing fear on my heart that something might happen to him and I wouldn't hear about it till much later. As a result, I kept a constant eye on the "Deaths and Missing" column, a new and rather morbid and yet sadly all too necessary addition to the _Daily Prophet_, as well as keeping my ears open for any rumours or pertinent gossip, in the desperate (and probably rather futile) hope that if something happened, I would somehow be alerted to the fact, preferably before it was too late.

As the start of the school term drew nearer, the Ministry assigned me and three other Aurors to take up residence in Hogsmeade in order to keep a closer eye on Hogwarts and provide protection for the students. When Dumbledore heard about this, he approached me and requested that I keep a particular eye on Harry, as I was the only member of the Order amongst the four Ministry-assigned Aurors. Thus it was that I found myself watching out for his arrival as the scarlet Hogwarts train came trundling into Hogsmeade on September the first.

I stood at the Hogsmeade Station watching the students get off with their trunks, owls, cats etc, chattering excitedly about the events of the past few months, many of them still personally untouched by Voldemort's return. Would that it would last. I saw Ron, Ginny, Hermione and that strange Luna Lovegood get off but still no Harry. Perhaps he was in the toilet or something. I waited. And waited. I saw Draco Malfoy get off with a rather smug expression on his pale, pointed face, but Harry was nowhere to be seen. Getting worried, I started to patrol along the side of the train, peering in the windows as I went. All empty. I was about to alert Dumbledore when I saw that one window had the blinds suspiciously drawn. Running to the closest door, I hopped inside the train and made my way towards the corresponding cabin. Opening the door I saw no one, but remembering that Harry owned an Invisibility Cloak, I groped around until I felt something, and taking a firmer grip, I yanked upwards to reveal Harry lying curled up underneath in a foetal position, his nose broken and bloody.

"Wotcher, Harry", I murmured, and performed _finite incantatem _to end the Body Binder curse that he was clearly under. Harry's body unfroze and he sat up, wiping some of the blood off his face and looking at me with a mixture of embarrassment, relief and surprise. "We'd better get out of here, quickly," I said as the train started to rumble into life beneath us, "Come on, we'll jump." I hurried down the corridor with Harry following after me, and pulling the train door open, I leapt onto the platform, landing rather ungracefully, but then that was nothing new for me. I heard Harry land with a 'thump' next to me and turned to see him staggering a little to get his balance. Well at least I wasn't the only clumsy one, I thought, with a small amount of humour. I handed him the Invisibility Cloak, which I had been holding till now, and asked him who had done this to him.

"Draco Malfoy," he said rather bitterly (well, that would explain Malfoy's smug look as he got off the train then), "Thanks for…well…"

"No problem," I cut him off quickly. I could see that he was embarrassed and resented being found in such an undignified position. Looking at him, I was reminded of his broken nose and offered to fix it for him. He looked a bit dubious at first (probably with reason, I reflected ruefully), but seeming to decide that he had no choice he closed his eyes and waited for the damage. I performed the Healing spell and to both his relief and mine, his nose mended itself without any nasty added effects. He felt his nose gingerly just to make sure, and obviously deciding that it was still the right shape and size, he thanked me enthusiastically.

I ignored his thanks and pointed out that it would be wise to put his Cloak back on so that we could walk up to the school without him being seen. As Harry complied, I waved my wand and sent a Patronus to Hagrid to let him know that Harry had arrived safely and was with me.

"Was that a Patronus?" Harry asked curiously. Hoping that he had not recognised the form that my Patronus now took, I replied "Yes, I'm sending word to the castle that I've got you, or they'll worry. Come on, we'd better not dawdle."

As we walked towards the school grounds, Harry continued with his questions. "How did you find me?" I explained to him about noticing that he had not left the train and then seeing the drawn blinds on the compartment.

"But what are you doing here, anyway?" he continued.

"I'm stationed in Hogsmeade now, to give the school extra protection."

"Is it just you who's stationed up here, or-?"

"No, Proudfoot, Savage and Dawlish are here too." I answered briefly, wishing that he would stop asking so many questions. I was in no mood for chit-chat. However, Harry did not seem to get the hint and continued, "Dawlish, that Auror Dumbledore attacked last year?"

"That's right." My reply was even shorter this time and fortunately he seemed to get the hint and stopped talking.

We walked on in silence until we arrived at the school gates which were chained shut. Harry tried to open them using _Alohomora_, which under normal circumstances would have made me snort with laughter, but in my current mood just faintly annoyed me. "That won't work on these," I told him, "Dumbledore bewitched them himself."

Harry looked around and came up with another bright idea, "I could climb a wall," he suggested hopefully.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and simply said, "No, you couldn't. Anti-intruder jinxes on all of them. Security's been tightened a hundredfold this summer."

My mood appeared to have rubbed off on Harry because his next words were a terse suggestion that he sleep out here till morning. I ignored this comment and, as I noticed that a bobbing lantern was getting steadily closer from the direction of the castle, pointed out that someone was coming down for him.

As the lantern and its carrier got closer, I recognised with a sinking feeling the greasy visage of Severus Snape, my least favourite member of the Order. He made some snide remark to Harry and then turned to me, saying "There is no need to wait, Nymphadora," (unlike Remus, Snape deliberately used my first name to annoy me), "Potter is quite – ah – safe in my hands."

I frowned at him, knowing that he was enjoying every minute of Harry's and my discomfort. "I meant Hagrid to get the message," I told him, and he informed me that Hagrid was late for the feast. I hoped that nothing had happened to him, and as I thought this, my stomach clenched at the thought of another member of the Order who was also out risking his life. I forcefully shook this thought out of my head, in time to hear Snape remarking that he was interested to see my new Patronus. He shut the gates with a loud clang and continued, "I think you were better off with the old one. The new one looks weak." His words were like a punch to my gut and I stared at him in anger and dismay. How _dare _he say that Remus was weak?

As I turned away, I heard Harry telling me goodnight and thanking me once again. "See you, Harry", I replied softly, and feeling more alone than ever, I began to make my way back towards Hogsmeade to the room in the Hog's Head Inn, where I was staying.

----------------

I didn't see much of Harry after that – he seemed to be keeping out of trouble (outside of school grounds at any rate), and so I only saw him from a distance during the occasional weekend Hogsmeade visits. Only once did I have to make my presence known, intervening when he was about to throttle Mundungus Fletcher (not that it would have been a great loss to the wizarding world if he had succeeded), but otherwise I remained at a discrete distance.

Christmas came and went; a bleak and lonely affair as I spent it alone, my parents having gone to Greece for the holiday and my orders from the Ministry being to stay at Hogsmeade so as to protect those students who had elected to remain at Hogwarts for the break. Molly had kindly invited me to join them for Christmas dinner, knowing that I would be alone, but when she 'happened' to mention that Remus would be there too, I made up a random excuse not to go. I knew that she was worried about me, as I had been getting steadily thinner, food having no real appeal for me in my current state of mind, but quite frankly Christmas alone was way preferable to Christmas with a Remus who did not want to be with me. So I politely refused and mentally prepared myself for a lonely Christmas.

After Christmas, things carried on much as before, surprisingly uneventful in fact, until sometime towards the end of the school year when a rumour reached my ears which made my heart stop in its tracks. The rumour concerned Fenrir Greyback, the vicious and truly evil werewolf who had bitten Remus as payback for something Remus' father had done when Remus was a boy. All I could gather, despite my frantic enquiries, was that _someone _had been attacked by Greyback, and I automatically assumed that that someone was none other than my Remus (yes, I know he was not _technically _mine, but cheesy as it sounds that is what I called him in my heart).

Failing to find out anything else through the usual means, I concluded that the only person who could tell me what had happened and who would know if Remus was involved, was Dumbledore. And so, without further consideration, despite the fact that it was early on a Sunday morning, I quickly made my way to the school gates, and from there to Dumbledore's office.

However, when I gave the password ("Chocolate Frog") to the gargoyle at the door, it informed me in a bored voice that Dumbledore was not in at the present moment and would I like to leave a message? I replied that no, I would _not_ like to leave a message, and turned away disappointedly to head back down the seventh-floor corridor on which Dumbledore's office was situated.

I was walking down the corridor without really paying any particular attention as to where I was going (never a wise move for someone as chronically clumsy as me), lost in my rather depressing thoughts, when out of nowhere I heard a loud "OUCH!", and turning around I saw Harry hopping around on one foot, his Invisibility Cloak lying in a crumpled heap on the floor at his feet.

"Harry?" I asked, bewildered.

He spun around and promptly fell over – apparently my clumsiness was rubbing off on him, and as he scrambled to his feet again, he asked "What're you doing here?"

"I came to see Dumbledore," I replied. He scrutinised me, probably noticing my less than healthy appearance. However, much to my relief, he did not remark upon it, saying only, "His office isn't here. It's round the other side of the castle, behind the gargoyle-"

"I know," I cut him off. "He's not there. Apparently he's gone away again."

Harry looked surprised and asked me whether I knew where Dumbledore had gone. I replied that I did not, to which he responded by asking me what I wanted to see him about, a question I would much rather have avoided.

I picked subconsciously at the sleeve of my robe as I gave a rather vague answer to the effect that I had heard some rumours about people getting hurt and thought that Dumbledore might know what was going on.

"Yeah, I know, it's all been in the papers," Harry replied, "That little kid trying to kill his-"

I cut him off once again, telling him that the _Prophet _was often behind the times (I should know seeing as how I obsessively checked it for news about Remus). As thought of Remus entered my head, I was again reminded of why I had come here and with something akin to desperation, I turned to Harry and asked him whether he had had any letters from anyone in the Order, hoping against hope that maybe Remus, with his obvious soft spot for Harry, might have written to him.

I only heard the first part of his next sentence ("No one from the Order writes to me any more"), and then my mind blanked out in despair and loneliness and I felt, to my dismay and intense embarrassment, that my eyes had filled with tears.

I quickly tried to blink them away, whilst Harry muttered that he was sorry and said that he missed him too. I looked at him blankly. He couldn't possibly know about my love for Remus, could he? I mean sure, everyone in the Order knew, but they wouldn't have told him, would they?

"What?" I asked, and then deciding that I didn't actually want to hear it after all, hastily added, "Well….I'll see you around, Harry…." and turning, I left him before he could ask me any more probing questions.

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Weeks turned into months, until one evening Dumbledore contacted me to let me know that he was going to be leaving the school for a few hours and would I patrol the school corridors as extra protection. He had had me do this a couple of times before when he was gone wherever it was that he went, and it was always uneventful, so I wasn't particularly worried. However, this time he informed me that Remus and Bill would be patrolling with me as well. I hadn't seen Remus in about three months, although he had never been far from my thoughts, and my stomach gave a little excited but nervous wriggle at the thought of seeing him again tonight. Chances are that we would hardly run into each other at all, as we would be patrolling different corridors, but I would still _see _him, and my palms were clammy with nerves at the thought.

Little did I know that that night would hold a much more real and serious cause for fear.

**A/N: He he! Cliffie! Although you all know what is coming next…..SO, seeing as I gave you such a nice LONG chapter so QUICKLY, please be nice and REVIEW!!!!**


	5. The Darkest Hour

**Chapter Five – The Darkest Hour**

_~ "The darkest hour of the night comes just before the dawn."~_

_**Author's Note**__**: Attention!! It looks like this story is going to be 7 (yes, 7!) chapters instead of 6…..Yeah – the battle ended up pretty much monopolising this chapter…Also, as you might have noticed, I couldn't find a song title that would fit with this chapter and I thought that this saying was perfect so I used it instead…FINALLY, just to let you know that I have enabled anonymous reviews, so if any of you who are reading this don't have an account on fanfiction or are too lazy to login (!), please still feel free to leave a review!! There's nothing more depressing than seeing loads of hits, alerts and favourites for your story and hardly any reviews! Sniff. I love to hear your thoughts about my story, so please review! It gives me the 'warm fuzzies' – he he.**_

**Disclaimer****: In case you haven't worked this out yet, I am NOT JK Rowling. Sorry to disappoint. All recognisable characters, events and dialogue belong to her. I do however own those you don't recognise;) The statue of the Friendly Vampire is all mine – mwahahaha.**

When I arrived at the castle, everything was quiet as most of the students seemed either to have gone to bed already or to be in their Common Rooms. I made my way to McGonagall's office where it was arranged that we would meet and found that I was the first to arrive. Bill and Remus arrived shortly afterwards and fortunately there was no time for awkwardness between Remus and myself as McGonagall chose that moment to open her office door and invite us in. She assigned us to our respective corridors but also said that we should meet up every half hour just outside Dumbledore's office on the seventh-floor corridor just in case…..Strength in numbers, she said, and it wouldn't do for us all to be scattered around the castle if something went wrong. In between these meetings we were to alert each other in the usual way if we noticed anything out of the ordinary. And so the night began….

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The first half hour went by without incident. I patrolled the third-floor corridor quietly and saw nothing unexpected apart from a couple snogging passionately behind one of the statues. I reprimanded them and told them to go to their respective Common Rooms and stay there. Not that I have anything against snogging per se, but in these dangerous times, it is not wise to be engaged in such a distracting activity in an area that is so exposed. Other than that however, I saw no one and as the minutes silently ticked by, I began to relax. Tonight was going to be another uneventful night after all.

At the end of the half hour, I made our way to our pre-arranged rendezvous and found Remus and Bill already waiting.

"Anything out of the ordinary?" Bill asked me.

"No. Nothing. Well unless you count the passionately entwined couple behind the statue of the Friendly Vampire…..but that's not really out of the ordinary is it?!" I added humorously.

Remus looked at me with pleasant surprise – it was a while since I had cracked a joke. Maybe he thought that I was finally starting to get over him and move on. Ha ha. Actually, my humour was more a result from me coming down from my adrenaline high – I had been running on nerves and now that it seemed that there was nothing to worry about on any level, I was starting to relax. Cracking lame jokes was just a side effect of that relaxation.

However, it seemed that I had let down my guard too soon. Just as we were about to split and go our separate ways once again, we heard running footsteps and as we drew our wands to face whoever was coming, Ron, Ginny and Neville Longbottom rounded the corner, looking frantic. They came skidding to a halt when they saw us there and began talking all at once. "Death Eaters" "Malfoy"… "Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder" …"Must have been planning it for ages"… "Harry was right" …"Oh gosh, _Harry._"

Remus spoke first in a surprisingly calm yet authoritative voice, "OK, all of you, stop. Now one of you - Ginny, tell us what's happened."

"Harry told us to be on the alert because he suspected that Malfoy would act tonight. He said that Professor Trelawney had heard him whooping about something and Harry assumed that whatever Malfoy's been working on was fixed and that he was going to act tonight. He told us to alert as many other members of Dumbledore's Army as we could and to keep watch, using the Marauder's Map. Ron, Neville and I have been keeping watch outside the Room of Requirement where we assumed Malfoy was but when he came out, he saw us and threw what must have been some of Fred and George's Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder into the air, because everything went pitch black and we couldn't see anything. We tried to grope our way out of the darkness and we could hear people rushing past us, but daren't fire any curses in case we hit each other. By the time we managed to see again, they'd gone and we ran as fast as we could towards Dumbledore's office, hoping that he might have got back already and then we ran into you," Ginny finished rather breathlessly.

Remus, Bill and I looked at each other anxiously. "Dumbledore isn't back yet," said Bill, "and we can't count on him coming back any time soon. We need to alert McGonagall and the other teachers immediately, and we need to set up guards on the Common Rooms to protect the students there. We don't want them joining in the fight if we can help it."

Remus nodded and sent off a Patronus to alert McGonagall. I turned to Ginny and asked her if they could tell which direction the Death Eaters (as we assumed they were) had been going in, by the sound of their footsteps.

"I can't be sure," she replied, "but I think they were heading towards the Astronomy Tower."

"The _Astronomy Tower_?" I asked, incredulous. Why on earth would they be going there of all places? This sounded awfully like a trap, but of what kind I could not guess.

"Right," said Remus, pulling me out of my troubled thoughts. "If that's where they were going, then that's the direction in which we need to head too. I've alerted McGonagall and she will be able to alert the other teachers and set guards up on the Common Rooms. Wands at the ready and let's go now!"

We all grasped our wands more firmly and quickly made our way in the direction of the Astronomy Tower, our hearts beating a tattoo in our chests. We hadn't gone far when we could hear the sound of running footsteps ahead of us, and rounding a corner we literally ran into the group of Death Eaters with Malfoy. There was a moment of shocked silence before all hell broke loose and the dimly lit corridor was illuminated with bright flashes as spells began to fire in every direction. In situations like this one doesn't have time to sit and strategise and so I fired every nasty spell I could think of, pointing my wand in the general direction of the Death Eaters and hoping to goodness that I hit some of them. Certainly a few of the Death Eaters started to sprout some pretty strange stuff and one of them clutched his stomach convulsively and moaned loudly, so my spells can't_ all _have missed. The others seemed to be having some success as well, because before long the group of Death Eaters broke away and scattered in all directions, whilst one of them, a small, thin man whom I vaguely recognised as a wizard called Gibbon, carried on towards the Astronomy Tower stairs and sprinted up them before one of us could fell him with a well-aimed curse. Deciding that it was more important to deal with the group at large than with a single straggler, we chose not to follow him (especially as we didn't want to be cornered on the stairs) and gave chase to the other Death Eaters instead.

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We fought frantically, sometimes back to back, fighting several Death Eaters at once and casting spells in every direction. My arm was starting to ache from holding my wand up for so long, but the fear pumping through my veins kept it steady and kept my tired brain awake and clear. All parts of my brain not concerned with remembering and casting spells were temporarily shut down and my lips were moving almost without conscious thought, muttering spell after curse after jinx. Being quite a young Auror, I hadn't actually been in that many fights with Dark Wizards, and certainly never in one as desperate as this, in which we were so horribly outnumbered. McGonagall had joined us before long and told as that she had alerted the other teachers and told Filius Flitwick to go and find Snape. Gibbon, the Death Eater who had run up the Tower stairs, had been hit with a Killing Curse on his way back down again; a Killing Curse which had nearly hit Remus, to my terror. However, I was so busy fighting for my life that I had only managed to feel a moment's fleeting fear for him, before it was buried beneath the overwhelming instinct to survive. And I was not about to make the same mistake that I had made before.

I heard a horrible, savage noise to my left, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Bill being mauled by Greyback. My heart twisted with horror and grief within me but there was nothing that I could do except carry on firing spells at the multiple Death Eaters surrounding me. Somewhere behind me, I heard a shriek of pain, which sounded like Neville Longbottom, but once again helpless to intervene, I could do nothing but carry on fighting for my own miserable life. Everywhere it was dark, the only illumination being provided by the flying curses, and I felt convinced somewhere in a dark corner of my heart that I was going to die tonight. At least, I thought bitterly, I would _die_ with Remus even if I hadn't been able to _live _with him.

----------

Suddenly some of the Death Eaters broke away and ran up the Tower stairs, presumably after the Malfoy boy who had vanished. Neville, who was limping, bravely and rather foolishly tried to run up after them, but it appeared that one of them had blocked the stairs with some kind of curse, because no sooner had he reached the fourth stair up, then he got thrown into the air as though he had hit some invisible barrier, and landed with a sickening 'crunch' a few metres away from the foot of the stairs. A few others tried to break through with the same result.

However, despite the fact that some of the Death Eaters had now disappeared up to the Astronomy Tower, our difficulties were far from over. There were still plenty of them left, more than enough to go around, and one of the Death Eaters, a truly massive wizard, was firing jinxes all over the place, which were bouncing off the walls and passing within mere millimetres of us.

As I was beginning to truly despair of ever seeing another sunrise, I saw Snape come running towards us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ginny duck as one of the huge Death Eater's jinxes just missed her, and then Snape was gone. It appeared that he had gone up the Astronomy Tower stairs because I saw Remus try to follow him and then get thrown back just like the others had been. For a brief moment, I wondered how Snape had managed to get through the cursed barrier if Remus could not, but then I brushed this thought aside as I had more important things to focus on right now. Like trying to stay alive for instance.

As this thought entered my head, almost as if it were some kind of perverse signal, the big Death Eater fired off a hex which caused half the ceiling to fall in. I ducked and dodged as large chunks of masonry crashed around me, hoping desperately that it wasn't my fate to die squashed like a bug beneath a huge rock. Even the Killing Curse would be preferable to such an undignified and pointless death. However, luck it seemed was with me that night, and as the crashing ceased and the dust started to settle, I realised that I was still alive! And, even better, it appeared that the big Death Eater was not, having finally met an ignominious fate crushed between a rock and a hard place, as it were…

Things were starting to look up, as not only had the fallen ceiling not killed any on our side whilst finishing off the wand-happy Death Eater, but it also appeared to have broken the curse blocking the stairs. Those of us who were still standing ran forwards towards the stairs, only to stop when Snape emerged from the dust and rubble with the Malfoy boy in tow. Assuming that they were being chased by Death Eaters, we let them pass, and the next thing we knew was that Greyback and the other Death Eaters were back and we were fighting once more. However, this time fortunately, we did not have to hold out for long, because Snape shouted something (I couldn't make out what), and then they all turned tail and fled after him, leaving us feeling exhausted but victorious. We were alive! None of us had died (although Bill looked pretty bad). We were going to be OK. The only dampener on my feeling of success was the nagging question at the back of my mind as to why they had just listened to Snape and followed him. They were winning; they could have had us, so why did they just leave like that? However, my tired mind was in no fit state to deal with imponderables such as this, and so I pushed the thought aside and turned to survey the damage, thinking contentedly that Dumbledore would be proud of us for successfully protecting the students (the ceiling could be fixed magically, but lives could not).

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Lights were coming on all over the castle and doors were opening, students rushing into the corridors and coming down the stairs, voices murmuring in an amorphous buzz as the teachers guarding the Common Rooms deemed that it was safe to let them out. Remus and Ron lifted Bill together to carry them to the hospital wing, whilst I knelt down and helped Neville up – he was injured, but not too seriously and could walk slowly, leaning on my shoulder.

Flitwick was already in the hospital wing, having been knocked out, but Madam Pomfrey had almost finished with him, and he was insisting that he go and look after the Ravenclaws. After some half-hearted arguing on her part, she let him go and turned to examine Neville and Bill, clucking like an anxious hen as she did so. After a few seconds, she pronounced that Neville wasn't too seriously injured and would make a full recovery and then turned to look at Bill, mopping up the blood on his face, so as to better see the damage. Ginny and Ron looked anxiously on as she muttered to herself, scrutinising the gory wounds.

"Will he….will he be OK?" Ron asked awkwardly.

"He'll survive," she answered brusquely, and then continuing more gently, she added, "But he won't look the same anymore, I'm afraid. Bites like this leave nasty scars that no amount of skilled magic can heal. You say that Greyback was still human when he bit him?"

Ron and Ginny seemed unable to answer; both were looking very pale and Ginny's eyes were shining with unshed tears Remus spoke up for them. "Yes, that's right Poppy. Do you have any idea what the after-effects will be?"

Madam Pomfrey looked back at Bill and then up at Remus again, after casting a pitying look in Ron and Ginny's direction. "No, I'm afraid this is beyond my experience. I don't think he will become a werewolf, but I honestly can't say more than that."

A muffled sob broke from Ginny's throat and McGonagall turned to her, with an unusually soft expression on her face. "Ginny, why don't you go and see if you can find Harry? I think I saw him running down the stairs and outside after Draco. Bring him here, will you?" She said gently.

Ginny nodded and wiping her hand across her eyes, left the hospital wing hurriedly.

-------------

After about ten minutes, we heard the door of the hospital wing open again and Ginny came in, holding Harry's hand. Harry looked awful – he had dark rings around his eyes and his face was pale and drawn like an old man's. As for his eyes….After one glance at them I had to look away again, for they were full of the most terrible pain and suffering, pain that a boy his age should not have had to experience. Hermione, who had been standing quietly with us all this time, ran to Harry and hugged him, whilst Remus moved towards him, looking anxious.

"Are you alright, Harry?" he asked, obviously having noticed the pain in Harry's face, in the same way that I had.

"I'm fine…" he answered wearily, and it seemed not altogether truthfully, "How's Bill?"

We all turned and looked at Bill, who was lying in one of the hospital beds, having Madam Pomfrey dab some nasty-smelling green paste on his face. No one answered. No one knew _how _to answer.

"Can't you fix them with a charm or something?" he asked Madam Pomfrey.

"No charm will work on these," she said sadly, "I've tried everything I know, but there is no cure for werewolf bites."

"But he wasn't bitten at the full moon," said Ron desperately, "Greyback hadn't transformed, so surely Bill won't be a – a real -?"

He looked at Remus, who was himself a _real _werewolf, and Remus replied gently, "No, I don't think that Bill will be a true werewolf, but that does not mean that there won't be some contamination. Those are cursed wounds. They are unlikely to ever heal fully, and – and Bill might have some wolfish characteristics from now on." He said this last bit as gently as he possible could, putting his hand on Ron's shoulder as he did so.

"Dumbledore might know something that'd work, though," Ron said, still desperately looking for a solution, "Where is he? Bill fought those maniacs on Dumbledore's orders, Dumbledore owes him, he can't leave him in this state-"

As Ron said this, I also began to wonder where Dumbledore was. He should be here by now. Where was he?

Just then, Ginny cleared her throat uncertainly, and replied in a heavy voice, "Ron – Dumbledore's dead." and my heart felt as though it had stopped beating.

**A/N: Well there you have it! This chapter was not the easiest to write to be honest, and so I would really love to know what you thought of it. *Makes puppy dog eyes* So please REVIEW!! If you don't, I'll assume the worst:(**


	6. I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do

**Chapter Six – I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do**

_Love me or leave me,_

_Make your choice,_

_But believe me – I love you_

_I do, I do, I do, I do, I do!_

"I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do", _ABBA ~_

_**Author's Note**__**: Well here it is! The chapter you have all been waiting for – dun dun DUN!! Thank-you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and who has added this story to their favourites and alerts – it warms the cockles of my heart and I hope to hear from you again!:-) I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations and don't forget to review at the end!**_

**Disclaimer****: I own none of it. All recognisable events, characters and dialogue are JK Rowling's. This is just my interpretation of them.**

_Just then, Ginny cleared her throat uncertainly, and replied in a heavy voice, "Ron – Dumbledore's dead." and my heart felt as though it had stopped beating._

"No!" This was from Remus. I turned to look at him and saw that his face was contorted with agony and a painful denial. When Harry did not contradict Ginny however, he collapsed into a chair beside Bill's bed, and let his head fall heavily into his hands. I had never seen the usually calm and collected Remus so out of control or in such emotional pain, not even after Sirius' death, and in my heart of hearts I knew why Dumbledore's death had had a much greater impact upon him. Dumbledore had been his mentor and, for lack of a better word, his idol. He had been the one person (apart from Remus' few school friends) who had accepted him, knowing full well what he was and what he was capable of. As a child he had given him a place at Hogwarts, something that no other headmaster would have done, and as an adult he had provided him with employment as a teacher there, when no one else would employ him. Remus had looked up to Dumbledore, admired him and tried his hardest to emulate him, always accepting those who were outcasts like himself, just as Dumbledore had done for him. I knew that Dumbledore had been very influential in shaping Remus into the kind, compassionate wizard he was today, even if he himself had been unaware of it. And now he was gone and Remus was alone in the world. _No, not alone, _I thought to myself. _Never alone. He's got _me,_ whether he wants me or not, and I'm not going anywhere. _

I realised that nobody else had said anything yet, as they were all staring transfixed at Remus, and so in order to draw the attention from him, I turned to Harry and whispered, "How did he die? How did it happen?" I whispered because speaking in a normal voice at such a time would seem almost sacrilegious.

And so Harry launched into the truly horrifying account of betrayal that was the story of Dumbledore's death. We all listened in shocked silence, occasionally interjecting some remark or asking for clarification. None of us could believe at first that Snape, _Snape_, fellow member of the Order and Hogwarts teacher, could have done this. I mean sure, he was a slimy git, but _kill Dumbledore?? _And yet, it had to be true. Harry wasn't lying – I could see that by the pain in his eyes and flinched away instinctively from looking in them for too long. My next thought was, _but Dumbledore trusted him, didn't he? Who could deceive _Dumbledore?

Abruptly Harry stopped talking and in the silence that followed I heard the most haunting, beautiful melody that I had ever heard. Although I had never heard such a sound before, I knew what it was, having read about it in books. It was the lament of the phoenix for its lost. As I heard it, memories of Dumbledore, _good _memories, rose up from my heart into my mind and I smiled softly, feeling my grief a little eased as I felt again the feelings that I had always felt when I was with him – comfort, admiration, respect, _safeness. _It was almost as if Dumbledore himself was whispering in my ear, _"All will be well in the end. Never fear." _And I believed him. Or it. Coming out of my reverie, I looked around the room at the others and saw that the phoenix's song seemed to have had a similar effect on them as well. Whilst the grief and the weariness and strain of battle were still evident in their faces, it was noticeably less so, as though somehow the phoenix had lanced the suppurating wound. I had heard of phoenixes having healing powers before, but I never thought that they would have the power to heal the heart.

As I was thinking this, the door to the hospital wing opened again and Professor McGonagall entered, looking worn out and tired like the rest of us. "Molly and Arthur are on their way," she said and everyone roused themselves from their trances to look at her. McGonagall turned to Harry and asked him about Dumbledore and Harry repeated what he had already told us. McGonagall seemed to have the same trouble coming to terms with it that the rest of us had had. Remus suggested rather bitterly that Snape was a brilliant Occlumens and perhaps that was the way he had deceived Dumbledore, but _no, _I thought, _that doesn't sound right. Dumbledore was an excellent Legilimens – Snape wouldn't be able to keep something like that from him surely?_

I decided to voice this, saying (still in a whisper), "But Dumbledore swore he was on our side! I always thought Dumbledore must know something about Snape that we didn't…" trailing off as I wondered what Dumbledore could possibly have known that would have made him trust the man who would eventually kill him. The others seemed to be wondering this too, and I continued, "I'd love to know what Snape told him to convince him."

Harry muttered something about Snape being the one who gave Voldemort the information that made him hunt down James and Lily and that he had convinced Dumbledore of his trustworthiness by _apologising _for it. Nobody believed that Dumbledore could have been so naive, least of all Remus who had personally witnessed Snape's utter loathing for James when they had been at school together. I stood in silent shock, trying to digest this information, whilst the others carried on discussing it. After a few minutes of this, Harry asked us to tell him what had happened whilst he and Dumbledore were gone and each of us chipped in with our own perspectives of the previous night's events, as Harry occasionally interjected, filling us in on the things that we had missed.

-------------

As our accounts drew to a close, we all fell silent, letting things sink in. None of us felt like talking anymore after having just relived the fear and stress of the recent battle and everyone looked contemplative as well as emotionally and physically drained. Just then the doors of the hospital wing swung open with a loud 'bang' and we all jumped, turning to see Arthur and Molly coming through the door, their faces pale and scared, with Bill's beautiful half-Veela fiancée Fleur Delacour following closely behind.

They went running up to Bill's bedside and Remus and I moved hastily so that they could get closer to the bed. Molly bent over the bed with tears in her eyes and gently pressed her lips to Bill's bloody forehead, whilst Arthur drilled McGonagall with questions regarding Bill and Dumbledore. Molly did not appear to be paying much attention to any of this because she soon started to sob, saying, "Of course, it doesn't really matter how he looks…it's not r-really important…but he was a very handsome little b-boy…always very handsome…and he was g-going to be married!"

My heart twisted with grief for her and then to my surprise I heard Fleur interject loudly that she _still _wanted to marry Bill – there was no "was going to be married" about it. Fleur insisted that she didn't _care _that Bill had been bitten by a werewolf and that he was now horribly disfigured and might even have other side effects which we were yet to learn about; no, those things didn't matter – she loved him and she wanted to marry him and that was that. He was still _Bill _after all. And as I watched the beautiful girl fight for the right to still marry Bill after all that had happened to him, something within me snapped. Why was _she _allowed to fight for the man she loved and I wasn't? How was Remus any different from Bill? Both had been bitten by werewolves, both were good wizards, good _men. _And why did Bill and Fleur deserve happiness and love, but not Remus and I? I couldn't take it anymore, and so I turned to Remus, not caring that there were other people in the room, not caring that now was hardly the time and the place, not even caring that Dumbledore had just died and we were in a hospital wing, for crying out loud and beside someone's sick bed, and in a strained voice full of the desperation I felt, I glared at the werewolf I loved, and cried "You see! She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

Remus automatically stiffened as he always did when I brought up this subject and refused to meet my eyes. His lips hardly moved as he tried to reply as quietly as possible, obviously hoping that the others wouldn't hear him – a futile hope, if you ask me, as they were all listening in very carefully, having been surprised and intrigued by my sudden outburst. "It's different," he said, "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely-"

No. No, I was _not _going to have my chance at happiness thrown away on a _mere technicality_. Because that was all it was. Honestly. Could he be more ridiculous?? And so I cut him off angrily, grabbing the front of his robes and forcing him to meet my eyes, shaking him violently and frustratedly as I did so. "But I don't care either, I don't care!" I cried, wanting to drum it into that stubborn head of his so that he couldn't argue. He _mustn't_ argue. "I've told you a million times…"

"And I've told _you _a million times," he cut me off, looking away from my eyes to stare at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor…too dangerous…" I vaguely heard Arthur stand up for me, telling Remus that he was being ridiculous. Yes, he _was _being ridiculous. Does he think I don't already _know _these things? I don't want someone young or rich or _safe_. Safeness is overrated. I want Remus; Remus John Lupin, werewolf, wizard and wonderful man and no one, but no one else.

But he still didn't _get _it. "I am not being ridiculous," he continued, "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole."

And then Arthur said it, the words which summed up everything I had ever felt for Remus and which, with Bill lying bleeding and maimed less than two feet away, had a much greater impact than they would ever have done if they had been uttered by someone else under different circumstances. "But she wants you. And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so." And he gestured to Bill lying there unconscious.

Remus could not find an answer to these words – who could? And instead he mumbled something about this not being the time or place for such a conversation, what with Dumbledore recently dead and all, which McGonagall rightly brushed aside as the weak excuse that it was.

However, looking at him, I could see that that last comment of Arthur's had got through his defences; that whilst outwardly he was still resisting, inwardly the wall he had erected was starting to crumble, and I knew with a fierce joy in my heart that he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer.

--------------

As the sun was rising, we all (apart from the students and McGonagall) went back to the Weasleys' for breakfast. Molly insisted that we come over as she said that cooking for a large number of people helped to keep her mind off things. Fred and George were there too and she cooked up a storm – hot, creamy porridge, piles of bacon and eggs, hot buttered toast and large mugs of tea. We all realised very suddenly how hungry we were after the long night and tucked in with great enthusiasm, temporarily forgetting everything except the wonderful taste and smell of the food on the large wooden table and the hungry growling of our stomachs. Afterwards, too tired to do anything else, we collapsed in utter exhaustion (both physical and emotional) on various spare beds (there being quite a few with most of the Weasley children being at work or at school) and slept the rest of the day away.

I awoke around 5.00 in the afternoon and feeling refreshed and unable to go back to sleep again, I made my way down the stairs from Ginny's room where I had been sleeping to the kitchen. It appeared that everyone else was still asleep so I made my way out into the garden which I had always loved, mainly for its wildness and funny little gnomes, and sat down on a rickety old bench beneath a spreading oak tree. I sat there for a while, simply enjoying the quiet around me, listening to the birds chirping as they prepared for the night, and watching the gnomes fossicking around in the flowerbeds. The sun was already starting to set, spreading crimson and orange feathers across the darkening sky, when I felt someone sit beside me. I had been so absorbed in my thoughts and in simply drinking in the nature around me that I hadn't heard the approaching footsteps and turning, I saw Remus sitting next to me, gazing up at the last glowing embers of the dying sun.

We sat like that for a while, simply watching the sun go down in a surprisingly companionable silence, enjoying the undisturbed moment together. As the last rays disappeared and night started to fall in earnest, the stars twinkling between the branches of the trees, Remus turned at last to look at me. He didn't say anything, just looked at me, as if trying to read something in my face. I looked back at him, willing him to see all the love that I felt for him written thereon. Finally he spoke, in a soft voice filled with some emotion that I had never heard there before.

"'Dora, I…I can't keep you away any longer. I love you. I have loved for you so long and I can't lie to myself anymore. I _need_ you 'Dora. You are my other half, the better half I might add, and I am so lonely without you. Seeing Bill like that….made me realise…that we must take happiness when it holds out its hand to us, take it whole-heartedly and enjoy it while it lasts. I've missed you these past few months. I tried to deny it to myself, but I have. I've missed you terribly – your laugh, your smile, your amusing conversation, your good heart and even your clumsiness, 'Dora! You bring brightness to my dark life that hasn't been there before. You make it seem less dark, more bearable. Mine has been a very lonely existence and I had accepted that as par for the course, but then _you _came and you shook me to the core. Suddenly I was faced with the possibility of happiness, of companionship, of sharing my life with someone. And I admit, I was afraid. I had never expected this and I didn't know what to do with it, what to do with _you_. And so I ran away. I told myself that I was being selfless, that it was for the best, that I was doing it for you. But I lied to myself. And when I saw how miserable you were, 'Dora, and realised that it wasn't for your best at all, and that it was all my fault, that I was ruining you, and yet _still _persisted in lying to myself that it was for your own good and that you would get over me…..'Dora I don't know if any of this is making sense, but all I can say is please forgive me? And….I don't really have the right to ask this anymore but I can't help myself…..'Dora, will you marry me? Will you be my better half for as long as we both shall live?"

For a full minute I couldn't speak. My heart was swelling within my chest with joy and I felt like pinching myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Eventually though, I managed to get my muscles to obey my commands and opening my mouth, I blurted "YES!" Never one to do things by half measures, I shifted closer to him on the bench and flinging my arms around his neck, I whispered in his ear, "The answer has _always _been 'yes', Remus, if you had only realised it." Then pulling back slightly, I gazed into his eyes filled with elation, surprise and _love_ and then, without a second thought, I leaned closer and kissed him.

-----------

"Do you, Remus John Lupin, take Nymphadora Andromeda Tonks to be your lawfully wedded wife…."

"I do."

My heart leapt as I heard him promise himself to me forevermore in a calm, sure voice. Our wedding was a small affair with only our closest friends and family there – no fuss and frills, just simple and sweet. As I think I have mentioned before, I have never been romantic and I had never wanted a big fussy wedding with loads of flowers and a flouncy white dress. In fact, I had never really thought about what kind of wedding I would want, but if I had, this would be it. No stress, no unnecessary expense, no irrelevant details. Just him and me. That's it. That's what I wanted.

That was all I would ever want.

**A/N: So…there you have it! Only one more chapter to go! Love it? Hate it? Questions? Comments? Did it live up to your expectations?? REVIEW!!! **


	7. Fire and Rain

**Chapter Seven – Fire and Rain**

_Now I've seen fire and I've seen rain,_

_I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end,_

_I've seen lonely times when I couldn't find a friend;_

_But I always thought that I'd see you again. _

"Fire and Rain", _James Taylor ~_

_**Author's Note**__**: Well, here it is! Chapter Seven! BUT…..There is going to be ANOTHER CHAPTER after this, because there was just too much to fit into this one chapter AND there is going to be an EPILOGUE, which will be in Teddy's POV!! Woohoo! Do I hear a chorus of 'yeses'?! I sure hope so!! This story just keeps on growing and growing – honestly, it was originally only meant to be five chapters and now it's going to be NINE – good heavens!! As always, PLEASE REVIEW at the end – your comments, however short, are always appreciated!:-)**_

**Disclaimer****: I own none of it. It all belongs to the amazingly talented JK Rowling. If **_**I **_**owned it, certain persons wouldn't have died….**

The first few weeks of being Mrs Remus Lupin were the happiest of my life. Remus could be the most wonderful companion when he was happy and nothing made me happier than seeing _him _happy. We didn't do anything extravagant for our honeymoon as neither of us had much money, but I didn't mind. As long as I got to be with Remus, I didn't care where we went, and so I was more than thrilled with the little cottage in the countryside that a friend of my parents lent us for the fortnight. We spent the time going for long walks in the hills, sitting chatting by the fireside and well, you know….It was a lovely time, a time for making happy memories, and I will never forget it.

However, after our honeymoon, once we were back in society mixing with other witches and wizards again, things changed. It was subtle at first. I went to work at the Ministry and a few people looked at me funny. That was all. Nothing overt; just a few funny looks. I thought nothing about it initially – being a Metamorphmagus, I was used to being looked at funny on occasion. Granted, the witches and wizards I worked with should be used to it by now, but maybe they didn't like my current hair colour (a brilliant lime green) or something.

The next time I noticed something odd was when I went to Diagon Alley to buy some potions ingredients and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a small gaggle of witches whispering amongst themselves and sending me covert glances every now and then. I ignored it at first, but when after five minutes they hadn't stopped and their looks had become more pointed, almost to the point of downright staring, I decided I had had enough, and stalking over to them, I demanded to know what their problem was. They looked a little intimidated at first, but then one of the taller witches, a regular hag (hooked nose and all), spoke up, saying in a rather cold voice, "Aren't you that Auror who married a werewolf?"

"Yes." I said. "What about it?"

"Well…A bit strange don't you think, someone who is meant to be _fighting _the Dark Arts and protecting us all going and marrying a _werewolf_, one of the darkest creatures out there? I mean, they kill people, don't you know." This last was a statement, not a question.

"Yes, I do know." I replied rather heatedly. "But Remus is not like that. He is a _good_ werewolf. He takes Wolfsbane potion every month to control himself."

The witches snorted with derision in response to this. "A _good _werewolf?" one of them sneered. "There's no such thing. All werewolves are evil by nature and should be hunted down and finished off. They're not human after all."

I started at her in shock. How _dare _she say that Remus was not human and suggest that he be hunted down and killed? Just because he turned into a wolf every month did not make him an animal, anymore than an Animagus was an animal. I was so angry I was shaking and couldn't concoct a fitting reply (what sort of reply would be fitting to something like that anyway?). The witches laughed once again and walked away, leaving me feeling hurt and furious.

--------------

After some careful consideration, I decided not to mention the unpleasant encounter to Remus – I knew that it would only serve to upset him and he had enough in his life to worry about as it was without this being added to it. It was no secret that my parents had not been too thrilled at our marriage and I didn't want him to have another reason to regret marrying me. And so I kept quiet and carried on with life as usual, hiding my hurt within myself and putting on a brave face to the world. After all, when I seriously thought about it, given the choice between being married to Remus and having my popularity back, I would choose Remus every time without a second's thought.

However, despite my silence on the subject and the cheerful front that I wore, Remus could not help but notice when we went out together anywhere that people looked at us strangely and went out of their way to avoid us. He didn't say anything about it to me but I could see the hurt in his eyes and I knew that it was seriously getting to him, as he grew progressively more withdrawn as the days went by. I didn't know what to say to him to make him feel better – he had heard it all before and frankly, we were both so busy with Order work that I didn't have time to worry about this as well. Then Mad-Eye Moody was killed in action and George Weasley was injured and all other worries flew out of my mind as they were replaced with the overriding concern that something might happen to Remus or myself. I worried about myself, not so much because I was scared of death – it had never been something that frightened me that much to be honest, but more because I was worried how Remus would cope if something happened to me and he was left behind. And I simply couldn't bear the thought of being the one left behind myself. And so secretly I hoped that if something _did_ happen, we would both be taken together. It was a selfish hope I suppose, but I clung to it nonetheless.

And then something happened that made all other thought flee for cover and disappear into the recesses of my mind; something totally unexpected and unplanned for. Something that I had never even _dreamed _would happen to me, and yet when it did I wondered why I had never wanted it before. I discovered that I was pregnant.

--------------

The discovery that I was going to have Remus' baby could not have made me more happy – my hair was changing colour everyday and I was simply bouncing with enthusiasm. However, when I told Remus….he was less than enthusiastic. He smiled at me weakly and said "That's wonderful news, dear" but I was not convinced. The only explanation for his reaction that I could come up with was that he probably thought that this was not really the best time to have a baby, what with our lives being in constant danger and all. And before I got pregnant, I would have been in absolute agreement with him. But now that I knew that I had a little life growing inside me, a little life that was half Remus and half me, all rational arguments against having a baby at such a time paled into insignificance, eclipsed by the overwhelming and wonderful fact that _I was going to be a mother._ Was I scared? Absolutely. Becoming a parent is a daunting thing. But would I have changed it given a choice? Not for the world. And as each day went by and it was one day closer to actually meeting my little baby in person, I could only become more and more excited and happy. I was blessed indeed.

---------------

However, life sometimes really _is _too good to be true, and I experienced this depressing fact in several areas of my life. Firstly, the Minister for Magic, Rufus Scrimgeour, was murdered by Voldemort, and the Ministry was taken over by Death Eaters. As a half-blood, I should have been able to continue my work at the Ministry, but because I was married to one of the 'Undesirables' (a werewolf who was not actually intent on killing every human in sight), I was asked rather forcefully and rudely to resign. Ordered in fact. And so I lost my job; the career for which I had spent years of training and studying, and which before I met Remus was the greatest joy in my life. However, that I could handle. After all, I had been planning on taking maternity leave once the baby was born anyway. This just caused it to start earlier.

However, it is one thing for me to suffer personally – I can handle that. It is another thing altogether when my _family _gets hurt. After the Ministry fell and Harry, Ron and Hermione fled for safety, the protective spells set around the houses of various members of the Order and their families fell away, including those that had been set up around my parents' house. Because the Death Eaters were now in charge at the Ministry, they had the authority to openly use aggressive curses which would break the spells. They knew that Harry had gone to my parents' house when he had been chased by Voldemort and so that was their first port of call. They broke through the magical shields surrounding their house, and cornering them, five Death Eaters used the Cruciatus curse on my mother and father in order to ascertain Harry's whereabouts. Fortunately, my parents managed to convince the Death Eaters that they didn't know where Harry was and therefore they were left alive, albeit severely shaken up by the experience.

After my parents were tortured, Remus and I decided to stay with them for a while, so that we could look after them whilst they recovered. I was more than happy to be close to my parents as I tend to worry about the ones I love whenever they are out of sight and calling distance, especially in the current dangerous climate. And whilst house-keeping is certainly not my gift (a fact of which my mother reminds me daily), it gave me something to do in the absence of my usual job, which kept my all-too-fertile imagination occupied so that I didn't have too much time to worry about Remus when he was gone on work for the Order.

----------------

A week went by in relative peace and quiet. My parents were steadily recuperating, my father getting his sarcastic sense of humour back (yeah, that's where I got it from), and my skills at keeping house gradually improving (I hadn't broken anything valuable for _two whole days_ – oh yeah!), when one afternoon whilst my parents were resting upstairs, Remus approached me with a pale but resolved face. I was in the middle of trying to work out how to fold robes with magic, but all I had succeeded in doing so far was making them pile up in a rather crumpled heap…maybe the house-keeping spells were somehow made to reflect my innate messiness and disorderliness, I was pondering with annoyance, when I heard Remus walk through the door. I would recognise his footsteps anywhere and swung around delightedly to greet him, knocking my mother's favourite vase off the table as I did so. It landed with a crash and as I bent down to fix it, muttering _reparo _under my breath, I thought to myself _bang goes today's perfect record. _

"Remus!" I cried, "How was your…" my voice trailed off as I took in his serious and determined expression for the first time. "What's the matter?" I asked frantically.

"Nothing, 'Dora. Nothing's the matter." He replied heavily. "I just….I don't know how to….Oh gosh…" He dragged his hands through his hair and started again.

"I just have to go away for a while, okay? I don't know how long I'll be gone, but you'll be alright with your parents won't you? I mean….you'll be okay right?" He looked at me with a mixture of guilt and desperation in his eyes. My heart did a funny little flip-flop in my chest as I registered his expression and thought to myself, _something's going on here that he isn't telling me about. Why does he look so guilty?_

However, I decided not to voice this, saying simply, "Um…sure, I should be OK. Is everything alright Remus? Is there something the matter that I should know about?"

"No." he replied abruptly, and then more gently, "No, 'Dora. Everything's OK. I just…need to do something, something important. I….I love you, alright?"

"Alright" I said, confused. "I know that. I love you too."

"Good. Well….I must go then."

And without another word, he kissed me gently and walked out the door. A few seconds later, I heard him Disapparate, and sitting down on the kitchen stool, I shook my head in bewilderment, wondering what on earth could be going on.

**A/N: So, can you guess where he's gone?? He he. REVIEW!!!!**


	8. Time in a Bottle

**Chapter Eight – Time in a Bottle**

_If I had a box just for wishes,_

_And dreams that had never come true,_

_The box would be empty, except for the memories_

_Of how they were answered by you._

"Time in a Bottle", _Jim Croce_ ~

_**Author's Note**__**: OK, here is the last chapter in Tonks' POV. I hope you enjoy it:-) Look out for the epilogue in Teddy's POV in a few days' time.**_

**Disclaimer****: I do not own the **_**Harry Potter**_** franchise. Although I do own all seven books – just not in the same way…..**

For two days, I didn't hear from Remus, and I had to carry on as though everything was fine, pretending to my parents that he had filled me in on the details but that it was top secret Order work and I couldn't tell them anything. I am usually an extremely truthful person, but for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to tell them the truth – that he had left me with nothing more than a vague explanation and a brief kiss on the lips.

On the third day, I was out in the garden attempting to pull up some very stubborn weeds when I heard a loud _crack _and Remus appeared out of thin air a few feet away from me. His face was paler than ever and he looked absolutely livid. Without even looking at me, he stormed into the house and slammed the door violently behind him. Feeling hurt and bewildered and more than a little miffed to be honest, I decided to follow him and confront him about his strange behaviour. I pulled open the front door and stalked after him to our bedroom, where I found him seated on the bed with his head in his hands. Putting my hands on my hips like the stereotypical housewife (something I have never been), I surprised even myself by yelling at him.

"Remus John Lupin, what do you think you are doing, storming in here without so much as a word to your wife?? You come here and give me some vague and frankly unhelpful explanation, if you can even call it that, telling me that you need to go off on some 'important business' which you can't even tell your _wife _about and then you leave abruptly and for _two whole days_ I have no word from you, no owls, nothing! Then you storm in here in a foul mood and without even _looking_ at me, you slam the door and disappear to our bedroom. I'm your _wife_, Remus, and so help me I will not put up with you treating me like I'm nothing more than a mere accessory – this is a partnership and you cannot treat a partner like that." I stopped, fuming, and catching my reflection in our wardrobe mirror, I saw that my hair had turned a violent shade of red to match my temper and my cheeks.

Remus finally looked up at me, a shocked expression on his face; he had never heard me yell at anyone like that, least of all him. Then dropping his head into his hands again, he mumbled something that sounded like "I'm sorry."

I snorted derisively. Not very ladylike (although I have never really been a 'lady') and replied shortly, "Well you should be. But if you think that you are going to be let off that easily then you are sorely mistaken. I want explanations and I want them _now. _Because I am pretty sure that whatever you have been doing is not top secret Order work, so spit it out. Where have you been and why did you leave me so abruptly?" Yeah, hormones are wonderful things; they give you the courage to say all kinds of things that you normally wouldn't say – I mean _spit it out_?! Well, if it worked, I wasn't complaining…

It worked. Remus sighed deeply and looking up at me with a pained look in his eyes, he began his rather lengthy explanation.

"I was scared, Nymphadora. I'm ashamed to admit it now, and I can't pretend that I've got it all sorted either, but I was scared."

"Scared of what?" I interrupted him. Since when was Remus a coward?

"Scared of having a baby, of being a father. I…my kind don't usually breed, 'Dora, and I was so afraid, _am _so afraid that the baby will turn out like me, will inherit my warped genes and be an outcast for the rest of his life, just like me. And even if he didn't…..'Dora, what kid would want a werewolf for a father? He would be ashamed of me all his life, he would hate me. I would taint him just as I have tainted you. I've seen what I've done to you 'Dora – don't think I haven't. Your parents were disappointed with you for marrying me, you've lost many of your friends because of me; _Merlin_, 'Dora, you've lost your blasted job because of me - the job you loved and worked so hard to get into! Don't think that I haven't seen how miserable and lost you've been without your work and how hurt you look every time someone looks at you funny because of _me. _I ruin everything I touch and I just didn't want to be around to see that happen to my son. I wanted to be a father that he could be proud of, so I went to Harry, I asked him to let me join him and help him. I wanted to redeem myself somehow. And he turned me away 'Dora. He called me a coward for abandoning you and our unborn child. He said James would be ashamed of me, and oh gosh, he was _right. _He was right and I didn't want to admit it, so I turned and left him in anger. I _should _be ashamed of myself. James would be ashamed of me. Sirius would be ashamed of me. Heck, even Harry was ashamed of me. I'm a failure 'Dora and there you have it. Not fit to be a hero, not fit for anything except to come home snivelling to you." And as he said this, he choked back a sob and abruptly stopped speaking, his hands covering his face.

At first I was rendered speechless (quite a feat, let me tell you). Whatever I had been expecting him to say, this was certainly not it. And then as I let his words sink in to my brain, I felt a flurry of emotions – anger, pity, anger, love, hurt, _love._ Because, funnily enough, the thing that registered first and foremost in my mind was not the fact that he had left me to go and try to kill himself heroically, but that he had done it for me and our unborn baby. Despite everything, he still loved us. He did it for us. Because he loved us. Because he wanted to be worthy of us. Because he thought I regretted marrying him and that our son would be ashamed of him, and it was on this point that I sought to assure him.

It took a while, but eventually I managed to convince him that I most certainly wanted him back, that I didn't hate him (although I was hurt that he hadn't confided in me sooner) and that I most certainly didn't think our baby would be ashamed of him. I also thought it highly unlikely that werewolfiness (for lack of a better word) could be passed on genetically. In fact, I informed him, it was much more likely that our child would inherit his mother's wonky genes than his father's (something about which I was proved to be right, incidentally, but I am getting ahead of myself).

By evening, Remus had calmed down considerably and had promised me that he would never ever leave me like that again, that he had quite accepted his pending fatherhood and that he was even, dare he say it, looking forward to meeting our little kicker. Life was looking up again.

---------------

Reading that last sentence makes me want to laugh. Or cry. Or both. Life looked up for a few brief happy weeks and then it abruptly dropped its eyes to the floor again. I believe I have already mentioned that the Ministry had changed hands? Yes, well one of the new legislations that was passed by the new Minister for Magic, Pius Thicknesse (merely a puppet minister under the control of the Imperius curse), was what was known as the Muggleborn Registration Commission. Basically, it stated that all Muggleborns had to register with the Ministry (which was really just a cover-up for getting them all in one place so they could more easily cart them off to Azkaban for 'stealing' magic). Now, whilst _I _may be merely a half-blood who lost her job at the Ministry because of unsavoury marital ties, my father on the other hand was a Muggleborn, and being my father and more than a little like me, he refused on principle to register with the Ministry and fled for his life. The first I heard about it was when my mother paid me an unexpected visit and informed me that my father was now officially classified by the Ministry as 'on the run' and WANTED. He had left so quickly that he hadn't even been able to say goodbye to me (Remus and I had moved back to our own place now that my parents had recovered) and I didn't know if I would ever see him again. I had always been close to my father and what with raging pregnancy hormones and the thought that my little baby might never know his grandfather (I was convinced my baby was a boy), I broke down and sobbed as though my heart would break. It felt as though my world was rapidly falling to pieces about my ears and the only certain things I had left to cling to were Remus and our unborn baby. They were like my anchors in an unstable world and I clung to them with all that I had.

----------------

The months went by with no news of my father. Of course, we all knew that no news was good news. There was also no news of Harry Potter or his friends, Ron and Hermione, who had gone with him. Lee Jordan, an ex-Hogwarts student, had created a radio station called Potterwatch, which broadcast any pertinent news which the _Daily Prophet_, being Death Eater-controlled now, didn't see fit to report. Kingsley Shacklebolt, Fred and George Weasley and Remus were regular contributors and had to be very careful as the Death Eaters knew about Potterwatch and would dearly have loved to shut it down. They constantly relocated and one could only tune in to the station using a secret password which also changed constantly.

As time went by, I was getting bigger and bigger due to my pregnancy and as a result was not able to do so much for the Order anymore. My feet and back ached frequently and I felt very tired a lot of the time. I had also developed a strange craving for bogie-flavoured Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans, which utterly revolted Remus and dearly amused everyone else. Fred and George in particular thought it was hilarious and took it upon themselves to make me try out every revolting flavoured food possible, in case, so they claimed, I discovered that I had a craving for those too. As it turned out I didn't. Only bogies were the flavour of the month.

-----------------

There was still no news of my father, until one night at about midnight Remus and I were woken up by a resounding _crack _outside our house. Leaping out of bed and running downstairs as fast as we could, we arrived in the living room just in time to see the door burst open and my mother stumble inside, pale and exhausted with tears streaming down her face. We both ran to her, talking at once and she flung herself into my arms, sobbing. "He….he's dead." She choked out. "Your father….is…dead."

I could feel the blood drain from my face and the sounds around me became strangely muffled all of a sudden. Knowing that if I didn't sit down soon I would faint, I staggered over to an armchair and collapsed heavily into it, all the time keeping my eyes fixed on my mother's tear-streaked face.

Remus glanced at me quickly and seeing that I wasn't capable of speech at that precise moment in time, he mercifully took over from me, and taking my mother gently by the hand, he led her to the sofa, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders once she was seated. Then sitting opposite her, he took one of her hands in his and began to question her.

"Tell us what happened, Andromeda."

"He…he….was caught by Death Eaters and he tried to escape. He fought them and they killed him and two others who were with him, a goblin and one other…I…I just got the news now….Kingsley Shacklebolt contacted me…..came in person and told me….said that they had found his body and the bodies of the two others and that there appeared to have been a struggle…He surmised the rest…and oh….my Ted…" she sobbed.

All this time I had been too stunned and numb to do anything but sit there in silence, listening to my mother pour out the story of my father's death. _It can't be true_,I thought feverishly, _my father can't be dead. He can't be. Not my father. Not him. No. _I couldn't believe it and yet I knew horribly that it was true, it must be true. The evidence was before my eyes in the person of my distraught, grief-stricken mother. And as the truth sunk in, I felt my eyes start to burn as they filled with tears and my stomach clench with agony as a sob ripped out of it. Half of me kept on expecting to see him come walking through the door and telling us that he was fine, that it was all a lie, a mistake, but the other half of me, the logical half, knew that I would never see him again and it hurt. Oh, it _hurt._

As I sobbed brokenly, I felt my baby squirm and kick inside of me in response to the convulsive clenching of my stomach muscles, and reaching down, I rubbed my stomach in soothing circles, thinking sadly that my little son would certainly never know his grandfather now. And as I thought this, I had a flash of inspiration. It was a strange time to get inspiration but it came nonetheless. _Ted, _I thought. _We'll call him Ted after my father. My little Teddy. _And as I thought this, a small smile broke across my face like the sun breaking through the storm clouds, and I saw Remus looking at me questioningly. "I'll tell you later," I mouthed. And he nodded and after making sure that my mother was alright (she had fallen asleep, worn out by grief), he came over to me and wrapped his arms around me tightly. And then he did something he had never done before. Kneeling down, he lifted the sleepshirt I was wearing, and softly kissed my exposed stomach, whispering to it, "I will always be here for you, my son. As far as it is in my power, I won't let you go through this sort of grief….I love you." And as he said these last words, my eyes filled with tears again, but this time they were tears of joy.

---------------

We held a quiet funeral for my father, with just a few of our closest friends and family, as it was never a good idea to have large meetings of anti-Voldemort people in one place at one time – it made it too easy to pick us off, should something go wrong. During the weeks following my father's death, Remus was a huge support to me, never leaving my side if he could help it and showing me so much love and devotion that at times I thought I must be dreaming. But I wasn't dreaming, and as the time neared for our baby to be born, I found myself to be falling in love with my husband all over again.

Remus had agreed with me that we should call our baby Ted, after my father (it never even entered our minds that our baby might be a girl – we just _knew _somehow that we were having a son), and I had insisted on naming him after Remus as well. At first Remus demurred, reluctant to pass on his name to his son, feeling that somehow it might 'jinx' him into inheriting his werewolf genes as well, but I insisted that if I wanted our son to be like anyone, I wanted him to be like his father, and that he would be honoured to be named after such a great man. Remus blushed a bit at this, but finally agreed when I showed him that I wasn't backing down.  
"Good," I said triumphantly, "Now our son will be named after the two best men I have ever known, and don't you dare say anything to the contrary," I added as I saw him open his mouth to argue. When he still showed signs of arguing, I quickly changed the subject.

"So….who should be his godfather?" I knew that this would distract him from the name issue and sure enough, it did.

:"Harry." He said instantly.

"Wow, you've already thought about this haven't you?"

"Well, yes. You see if it wasn't for Harry, I might not have come back to you and discovered how happy I could really be. I might not have discovered the joy of fatherhood, and besides Harry is the son of one of my best friends and the godson of the other. I just think he would be the best choice. He would be a great godfather I know."

"You know, I think you're right," I replied pensively. "Harry would be a fantastic godfather. In fact, when I think about it, I can't think of anyone better. And seeing as we do kind of owe him our current happiness and togetherness, what better way could we thank him?"

"My thoughts exactly," Remus replied with a little smile on his face.

--------------

About two months after this conversation, I was pottering around the house one wintry afternoon, when I realised that my usual backache, which I had come to ignore, had been steadily increasing over the past hour or so. Thinking at first that I must just have put a bit too much strain on it, I decided to sit down and put my feet up for a bit to give it a break. However, when my back pain still didn't improve after about forty-five minutes, but on the contrary became steadily stronger and sharper, I began to get worried.

"_Remus!_" I called frantically, and he came running downstairs, with a panicked expression on his face.

"What's the matter, 'Dora?!" He asked and then taking in my expression and the way I was sitting, understanding dawned on his face, and with it came an increase in panic.

"Oh my goodness! It's the baby, isn't it?"

"Yes! I think I've gone into labour! I think we should get to St Mungo's as quickly as we can…" I gasped as another contraction took hold of me.

Remus nodded as the blood drained from his face and running from the room, he grabbed my overnight bag and taking my hand, he turned on the spot and everything disappeared as we Disapparated together.

----------------

Five painful hours and a lot of unladylike screaming and grunting later, Teddy Remus Lupin entered the world. Most other people would probably think he wasn't much to look at, what with the red, scrunched up face and the wide screaming mouth, but I, being only a biased mother, thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I had never understood before how people could look at newborn babies and say that they looked just like their auntie so-in-so or how they had exactly their daddy's eyes or whatever. Frankly all newborns looked the same to me – red and ugly like little monkeys. But, looking at Teddy, _my _Teddy, I thought he looked just like Remus. When I told Remus this, he just laughed and said that on the contrary, Teddy looked just like me; his hair was changing colour already (it was, it's true!) and my mother smiled and said that my hair started changing colour the moment I was born as well.

Remus said that he probably should go off and give the other members of the Order the good news, especially Harry who still didn't know that he was godfather yet, but before he left my mother said that she wanted to take a photograph of us, the new little family. Remus came and sat next to me, putting his arms around me and Teddy and smiling tenderly down at us both, and as the camera flashed, I grinned exhaustedly back up at him, feeling deep in my heart that life truly could not get any better than this.

**A/N: Well, there you have it! The last chapter in Tonks' POV! I hope it lived up to all your expectations – please REVIEW!!!**


	9. Epilogue: How Can I Keep From Singing?

**Epilogue – How Can I Keep From Singing?**

_No storm can shake my inmost calm_

_Whilst to this rock I'm clinging;_

_Since love is lord of heaven and earth_

_How can I keep from singing?_

"How Can I Keep From Singing?", _Welsh Folksong ~_

_**Author's Note**__**: OK, this really is the end….*Sobs*. I know that this epilogue is sad, but as I planned for my story to be canonical, it kind of had to be done….But I hope that you can see past the sadness to the bittersweet beauty of it and hopefully still view it as a satisfying and rounded-off ending to this story. And FINALLY, thank-you SO much to everyone who has reviewed this story and added it to their favourites and alerts – you guys are awesome and make me smile:-) Don't forget to leave a review at the end!**_

**Disclaimer****: I do not own Teddy, Lupin or Tonks. I am merely borrowing them for a while…**

**Teddy's POV**

On my seventeenth birthday, my grandmother gave me a letter, which was written in a handwriting that I did not recognise. It was a large quirky handwriting which slanted backwards; a handwriting which had character and made you wonder about the personality behind it. Well I did not have to wonder for long, for my grandmother told me that it was a letter from my mother. This surprised me to say the least, because I had never known my mother, or my father for that matter. They had both died when I was only a few months old in the legendary Battle of Hogwarts. They died heroes, so I was told, killed whilst fighting valiantly to defeat the Dark Wizard Voldemort, the darkest wizard to ever walk this earth.

When I said that I have never known my parents, it was not entirely true. I suppose I have known them vicariously through the stories and memories of other people, such as my grandmother, Andromeda Tonks, and my godfather, Harry Potter. Yes, you read that right. _The _Harry Potter. Yup, he's my godfather, and a more awesome one I couldn't ask for. But I have no actual memories of my own regarding my parents. I can't remember the sound of their voices for instance or what they look like. Of course I've seen photographs of them, but it's just not the same. They've always felt…distant somehow, like someone else's relatives, but not mine. And so you can imagine my surprise and my excitement when on my seventeenth birthday, I got a present from them. Oh, did I forget to mention that there was a present? Don't think I would get this excited over a mere _letter_ (OK, maybe I would, but that's not the point). No, with the letter came a parcel. It was not very excitingly wrapped to say the least – in fact, the wrappings were rather hurriedly done by the looks of it and did not have the appearance of having been done by someone who was particularly skilled in the art department. But hey, I'm not complaining. This is a present from my _parents _we're talking about here; my parents who have been dead for almost seventeen years.

My fingers were simply itching to open the parcel and see what it was, what my parents could possibly have left me that could only be opened on my seventeenth birthday, but being a well brought up young wizard (cough, grandma watching, cough), I opened the letter first. I had to read it several times before the meaning of it could really sink in, but I have faithfully reproduced it here for you. _You _should only have to read it once. However, if you really want to get the real effect, don't read on until you have read it at least ten times. I kid you not. Anyway, here it is:

_My dearest Teddy,_

_I am not much of a letter writer, but something within me urges me to write this to you. I do not believe in premonitions, but even so, in these times one can never be sure and there is no knowing what may happen at Hogwarts tonight._

_Yes, tonight there is going to be a battle to end all battles against Voldemort and his Death Eaters at Hogwarts, and Teddy….oh, Teddy, I can't promise to you that either your father or I will survive. I am not actually supposed to be going; I am __supposed_ _to be staying with my mother like a good little housewitch, but when was I ever good?! Don't answer that._

_The truth is I__ can't_ _just sit here and wait for news of your father, Teddy. I CAN'T. And I won't. Yes, Teddy, if you grow up pig-headed, you know where you got it from…Although your father can be pretty stubborn too when he chooses._

_But I digress. My dear, beloved, precious son, I hate the thought that like Harry, you might grow up never knowing your parents and what they were like (although some things you may wish you didn't know!) and how much they loved you….For we do love you so, so very much Teddy._

_And so I have written down our story for you – the story of your father and me, and of __you__, my dear boy. Of our love for each other and for you. I hope that you will never have to read it, that we will be here to tell it to you in person instead, but if for some reason we are not…Then my instructions to your grandmother (who also loves you very much) are to give it to you when the time is right, and I trust that through it you will discover that you have not lost us completely; that whilst we may be gone in body, our essence is here in this story and that through reading it, you may get to know the parents you never knew in person and know how very, very much they loved each other and you. That is my hope._

_It is getting late now and I must leave….But before I end off this letter (something that is strangely hard to do), I want to remind you again that I love you so, so, so much Teddy Remus Lupin and so does your father, who is truly the best man I have ever known or ever will know. We love you. Don't ever forget it_

_Mom _

By the time I had read this through ten times, the paper was creased and crumpled and had sweaty fingerprints on the edges where I had been holding it tightly, as if afraid it would suddenly vanish from my hands in a puff of smoke (never a bad guess in the wizarding world). However, it most assuredly did not vanish and stayed comfortingly solid in my shaking hands, although steadily becoming less so with every re-reading of it. I traced my fingers over my Mom's name, marvelling at the curve of the 'M's and the squashed shape of the 'O'. Each stroke of the pen was a part of her, had been written by her, my _mother_, in some long distant past. My eyes suddenly blurred and as I reached up to rub them, I felt a warm wetness on my cheeks which I hastily brushed away in embarrassment, ducking my head so that my grandmother couldn't see my face. I looked at the parcel which sat on the table beside me, looking so innocent and yet heavy with implications and meaning. I knew what it was now, and I wanted to be alone when I opened it and read my mother's gift to me. I think my grandmother understood this, because as I sat there hesitating, she patted me on the shoulder briefly and saying something about needing to go upstairs and do some knitting or some such thing, she left me alone.

--------------

After she left the room, I waited for a little bit longer before pulling at the string on the brown package and gently, almost with reverence, removing the paper. Inside was a manuscript, consisting of several pages of faintly yellowed parchment tied carefully together. The parchment was covered with the same handwriting that the letter was written in. Taking a deep breath, I started to read:

_It's funny how life works sometimes. How sometimes the one thing you think you don't need turns out to be the very thing that completes you….._

And for two hours, I read solidly without getting up, without moving except to turn the pages. I read until my eyes were sore and I had reached the last words:

…_..as the camera flashed, I grinned exhaustedly back up at him, feeling deep in my heart that life truly could not get any better than this._

Stuck to the last page beneath these words was a photograph. I gazed at it, drinking in the smiling woman with spiky vibrant pink hair who was holding a tiny baby with aquamarine coloured hair in her arms. She looked exhausted, but her small, heart-shaped face was lit up with a huge grin as she looked up at the man sitting next to her on the bed. He was a pale man with thick, light brown hair which was more than a little grey, and he looked quite a bit older than the woman, but the smile on his face made him look more youthful as he gazed at his wife and son with utter adoration and commitment. Looking at this old photograph of my parents and myself as a baby after having read this account by my mother brought them so much closer to me. And as I sat there I realised I was crying. Deep, gut-wrenching, embarrassing sobs. Because I had just read my parents' story, written by my _mother_. Written for _me _because she loved me so much that she wanted me to know her personally. Reading her words was like….like warm arms had reached out from the past and wrapped around me in a loving embrace, like a sweet voice had whispered in my ear _I love you, Teddy and I always will_, like I had finally met her. Reading these words was like hearing her laughing voice in my head, seeing her twinkling eyes before me and the warm, mischievous smile on her lips. I could _hear _her tone as she told it, _see_ the changes in expression on her face as her mood switched, _feel _what she felt as she recalled these experiences. For the first time in my life, I was getting to know my parents. Not just through other people's memories and stories of them, but through their own words, through my mother's voice. For the first time since I could remember, my parents no longer felt distant and detached to me. For the first time ever, I knew them as _my mother and father. Mine. No one else's. _

And so it was that through the tears, through the ache of missing them, I felt a small spark of joy and _hope. _My mother's last wish had come true. After all these years, I had found my parents and I would never be able to lose them again.

**THE END**

**A/N: SO, what did you think??? Did I have you all in tears by the end?:-( I know it's sad:-( I'm actually really pleased with how this chapter turned out, to be honest, but I want to hear YOUR thoughts!! (And please don't flame me for killing them off….I did say this would be canonical…) REVIEW!!! It's your last chance!! To everyone out there who HASN'T reviewed yet (you know who you are!!), this is your CHANCE!! I really want to know what you think!!! And to all those who have reviewed already (wonderful people!), I would love to hear from you again as well! Let's see if this chapter can get the most reviews!!!!:-)**

**SunnyZim**


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